ain’t nobody got time for that

image courtesy of bing image search

image courtesy of bing image search

So, apparently the guy from my same ol’ same ol’ post thought he could trick me by changing his screen name (same picture though) and sending me a new message.

image courtesy of bing image search

image courtesy of bing image search

sigh…

After his second attempt I told him, for the second time, that I wasn’t interested.

You’ve messaged me a couple of times and I said I wasn’t interested. But thanks.

He disabled his account and that was that.

Then, this morning I received a message from the same dude with a different screen name

Hi …my pants are on my hip , I have a career in Law Enforcement , I like to make people laugh as well … Lets see if we can make a connection … Ok?

No. Not Ok. Not Ok. NOT. OH. KAY.

For some reason, I feel like I’m in the drive-thru scene from Dude…Where’s My Car?…

 

So, I told him no – for the third time. A little more directly.

Listen – using a new screen name isn’t fooling me. This is now the third time I’m telling you I’m not interested. No means no dude, leave me alone.

His response?

Wow you actually counted ..I’m impressed .. 

Psycho.

I responded

Clearly, I’m not impressed.

Then blocked him.

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same ol’ same ol’

Why is it, that even when you tell someone you aren’t interested – they keep messaging you? I never understood how this happens. They can’t even use the excuse that they didn’t realize they had messaged you before, because (at least on OK Cupid) it tells you when you last messaged that person.

Clear as day. Right on a person’s profile page, fairly close to the ‘message’ button.

February 23, 2013

Hi …lets get to know each other .is that ok ?

March 2, 2013

Hi …Lets get to know each other …is that ok ?

Yep, pretty much the same message. This time I decided to just respond and let him know I wasn’t interested.

Me: I’m sorry I’m not interested. But thanks for the message!

Him: No worries …Good luck on Cupid ..

I said thanks, and didn’t think much else of it. I figured that was that.

March 15, 2013

Hi ..I like ur music and movie list ..have some things in common ..Lets get to know each other is that ok ?

I just don’t get it.

no (response) means no

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone (who’s tried online dating) at least once. You take the time (or build up the courage) to initiate contact with someone you find interesting, only to have them completely ignore you. You know they’ve read it, and they showed up on the list of people who’ve recently viewed your profile – so the only logical explanation is that, for whatever reason, they just aren’t interested.

And that’s ok. I have no issue with someone ignoring my message if they aren’t interested. I get the hint and move on. No big deal.

Sure, they could respond and say “sorry, not interested,” but in the world of online dating – not responding is a nicer way of saying just that (in my opinion).

No response = no thank you.

What’s NOT ok is when you continue to message that person for days, weeks, or months hoping that they’ll eventually break down and respond. It’s annoying. And a little crazy.

For example:

Sep 22, 2012 – 12:01pm
luv the hair and the smile so how is your weekend?
Oct 13, 2012 – 8:20am
i luv those eyes and smile so can u please bring both of them out when we do dinner;)) how is your weekend luv? name is (xxxxx) and i would really like to get to know u. im not on here much so if u want u can call me.
 
Nov 5, 2012 – 8:47pm
sista cleo told me that u would be that woman for me…just before she went out of business …lol so i got an extra closet for your shoes ready so u can move in the house in boston;)) hope sandy didnt make u suffer much~get @ me luv…not on here much but if u will use it u can have my cell to call or text. xxx-xxx-xxxx – (name)
 
Ok crazy.
 
Of course, the first thing I thought was “Boston?! Are you crazy?! Did you not see the Yankee’s hat in one of my pics?!
 
Then there is this:
Sep 23, 2012 – 12:21pm
Wow I am so in love with you right now by far ! lol ! I’m Trey will you take my hand love !
Sep 23, 2012 – 8:39pm
You can say Hello to me !!
Sep 23, 2012 – 8:40pm
Well I will say hello to you 1st !
Oct 24, 2012 – 12:21am
How are you doing tonite ?
Nov 3, 2012 – 9:19pm
It’s not a crime to say Hi to me love at least not in NYC ! lol !!!
Nov 10, 2012 – 8:49pm
Call me xxx-xxx-xxxx Tr**
Dec 18, 2012 – 11:50am
Serious when are going to let me take you to dinner!
Finally I had to break down and explain to him that I wasn’t interested. And, yes, I could have done that sooner. But honestly, after the first couple of messages, you’d think it would be pretty obvious.
 
And…
Sep 30, 2012 – 9:58pm
Hi I read your profile and you seem like my kind of girl I like to get to know you
Sep 30, 2012 – 11:14pm
Hi How are you? 
Oct 10, 2012 – 9:19pm
Hi you beautiful and would like to know you more.
 
Oct 11, 2012 –11:35pm
Hi How are you. 
Oct 19, 2012 – 3:38pm
hi how are you so whats your name.
Nov 3, 2012 – 10:14pm
Hi how are you.
 
This also happens to be the guy that is going to get his master’s in ‘being a doctor.’
 
 
Then there are the times that I HAVE broken it down…and they still don’t get it
 
Oct 27, 2012 – 3:50am
Beautiful lady with a pretty smile! I truly like the energy and happiness on your face 😉 How are u?
Nov 3, 2012 – 9:27pm
Hello! How are u? The beauty I see on your profile feels so good. I probably emailed u before but I think I like your profile enough to try again 🙂 Do u mind being in touch?
Nov 5, 2012 – 1:22am
How is the beauty doing?. Over the pass few weeks I came across your profile several times and each time I got the “wow” moment. The reason why I’m here clearly is to make connection with someone I strongly feel I can connect with, like, love, build a relationship . I guess it starts from these simple contact emails. I want to know more about u, hear how ur day is going, share good conversations etc.. I’m still hoping to hear from you… Will it happen? Until then have a wonderful day 🙂
Nov 7, 2012 – 10:46pm
Hello! I like the good feeling coming from your profile. You look amazingly beautiful! It would be awesome to get to know a pretty lady like you. How are u liking it here?
 
Nov 7, 2012 – 10:54pm
ME: Hi, I’m very sorry but I’m just not interested.
 
You’d think it would end there, but no. Instead of messaging me, he decides to IM me.
December 26, 2012 – 11:36:06pm: Hello!
December 26, 2012 – 11:38:51pm: How are u?
 
ME:
December 26, 2012 – 11:40:10pm: I’m sorry, I’m really not interested as I’ve said before. Please stop messaging me.
 
HIM:
December 26, 2012 – 11:40:37pm: Sorry don’t remember. ok
How do you NOT remember someone telling you they aren’t interested?
 
Then, as I was showing my friends the incessant messages over a bottle of wine, I accidentally clicked on his profile.
 
Shit.
 
A few minutes later, he sends me a message:
Liking anything about my profile?
 
Uuugh! Then a few days later:
I keep bumping into ur profile. Good luck or bad luck? 🙂 
 
And one guy passes on the traditional messaging, and goes right to IMing me. The creepy thing is that he just so happens to IM me within seconds of me signing on.
October 14, 2012
11:49:25pm: (my screen name)
11:49:26pm: supppp
11:49:47pm: how goes it tonight
11:54:23pm: nada?
October 15, 2012
8:14:00pm: hello robo (my screen name)
November 25, 2012
11:30:57pm: (my screen name) how goes it?
December 2, 2012
9:26:14pm: boo
 
 The fact that he looked like a serial killer didn’t help.
 
I have since figured out how to turn off the IM option on my account.
 
 
 

way too much

A couple of weeks ago, I received this message on OkCupid. I honestly haven’t read through the whole thing until just now. It’s pretty long – and a bit disturbing considering this is coming from someone I’ve never even exchanged hello’s with. His screen name makes it even worse. I try really hard not to mention people’s real, full, or screen names on here, but I’ll just say it has the word ‘Penetrating’ in it…which really isn’t a good idea for a screen name for an online dating site. Or just a screen name in general, really.

I’m sure this was copied from some Harlequin Novel, and he copies and pastes it to a slew of different women, but it makes for an interesting read, nonetheless…

I’ve decided that it doesn’t make sense to limit the pool of women under consideration to just those relatively few who happen to live within a few miles of me, when it is overwhelmingly likely that the one whose contours best fit my own is among the relatively many who don’t. Geography can be transcended, if necessary. Not finding the right person can’t be.

But distance means relying on our imaginations a bit more at the outset, so, let’s see if mine appeals to you as much as you already appeal to me:

You stood draped in the dusky mist of a moonlit night, alone, in a realm conjured from shared dreams, seducing the unseen and the unknown. You felt my presence, knew I was there admiring you, but somehow couldn’t quite see me in the shadows, weren’t quite sure where to look. Such is the nature of dream realms, not quite like those in which we live, but sometimes more like reality than reality itself, distilled and carved from the fabric of truth.

You knew that your curves, the shimmer of your dark-nylon-clad legs, the draw of your ample cleavage beneath its own translucent veil of fabric, held my eye captive and made my body yearn, and that the dulcet sounds of your voice, like a siren’s song reaching a shipwrecked sailor, filled me with awe and desire.

I’d like to quickly interject that this is clearly a copy and paste deal, because I’m pretty sure ‘ample’ is not the first word that would come to mind when looking at my cleavage. Trust me.

And there you were now, on a balcony overlooking a tapestry of dark shadows amid cascades of soft white moonlight, wondering where I was, who I was, and why I, who knew only a hint of who you were, desired you so ardently.

Somehow, you knew I was in those shadows, had willed me to be there, had conjured me from your own desires. In your heart you knew that I was not a man with any patience left for the dry rituals of modern courtship, the cautious distance and coolness of a world woven of mutual distrust; you had not conjured such a man, had not made manifest any desire for such a man. You wanted, though you feared, something more, a man who lived and loved boldly and responded only to boldness in others. You knew that such a man could only be intrigued by someone with the courage to seduce, and so, like Christine Daaé*, allowed yourself to long for a phantom who filled your darkest dreams.

Christine Eloise Mary Daaé is a fictional character and the female protagonist of Gaston Leroux‘s 1910 novel The Phantom of the Opera. She is a young singer with whom the main character Erik, the Phantom of the Opera falls in love.

image from wikipedia

image from wikipedia

Yes, I had to look that up on Wikipedia. And to be honest, I had to look up most of the words from this message on dictionary.com.

And so there you found yourself, draped in moonlight and dark translucence, feeling hidden eyes ravaging you, in the grip of a hard resolve that was both present and remote. You knew my passions and preferences, knew how to overpower me with your allure, how to make me long for you absolutely. You moved with the knowledge of how to do so, of what to reveal and what to hide. You strummed the strings of my imagination like a harpist enchanting a hungry heart, every movement and gesture and sly little smile another note in your symphony of subtle seduction.

You trembled inwardly at the madness of it all, of this creation of a shared space spun from fantasies and fetishes, but knew that it was a sweet madness, an opportunity to experience something unique and wonderful that comes along just once in every several lifetimes. The normal and mundane rituals by which we seek to realize the magic of love are too safe to yield that rare gem. It is a seed that germinates most naturally in chance encounters, and grows in the soil of some combination of uncertainty and excitement.

And so you stood there, on display, aroused by your ability to arouse a man you couldn’t help but be intrigued by. You imagined what it would feel like to have me there with you, devouring you with my eyes, enfolding you in my arms, filling and fulfilling you with my passion. You had strummed the harp of my desires that brought me there, and now longed to be strummed in turn, the harp of your own desire played by a maestro whose every stroke and pluck would elicit moans and murmurs and muffled pleas.

At last you turned away, walked back toward the French doors separating the balcony from the bedroom, wondering if I had been nothing but a mirage after all, something you had imagined and wished for but had never been real. The anticipation and tension in your body began to release, a mixture of disappointment and relief washing over you. But it was just in that moment that you felt me behind you, warm and immediate and very, very real. And your whole body quivered with the realization that something truly extraordinary was about to happen….

To be continued?

No, Sir. This will not be continued. In fact, it never should have begun. And for the record – if I ever felt you behind me, ‘warm, immediate, and very very real,’ the only extraordinary thing that would happen is a heel to your balls or an elbow to your jaw. Juuust sayin’