Tinder update

Here are some of my Tinder exchanges so far….

Guy 1

Him: Hi

Me: Hello

Him: How are you today?

Me: I’m great, how are you?

Him: Can’t complain nice weather out…are you black or white?

Really? The first thing after “how are you” is “are you black or white”??

Next.

Guy 2

Him: your hair is dope

Me: thanks, I was thinking the same thing about yours!

Him: wyd on this rainy day?

Me: homework unfortunately, what about you?

Him: I probably should be doing that…I’m clean and eat and watch TV…where do you live?

Him: Come drink wine with me then let’s cuddle and pass out….that would be perfect too.

Me: Well, I don’t even know you so that would be strange.

Him: I’m guessing we’d learn about each other before passing out.

Me: I’d have to learn about a person before getting in their bed…or couch…or apartment in general.

yeah…next.

Guy 3

Him: Hey how are you?

Me: I’m great, how are you?

Him: I’m good enjoying this cool weather here.

Me: Yeah me too! I love the fall.

one day later…

Him: Hey how are you doing?

Me: Fantastic. You?

5 hours later…

Him: I’m great.

5 days later…

Him: Hey how was your weekend?

At this point I’m kind of over it. So I don’t respond.

one week later…

Him: Hey how are you doing.

I decide to give this conversation one last chance.

Me: I’m doing well. What about you?

Him: I’m good. I sprained my ankle running but I’m good.

Me: oh that sucks, I’m sorry to hear that

Him: It’s ok..what are you up to today?

Me: I’m working right now. I have a few things to take care of after work, then just heading home. What about you?

still nothing…

I’m done. If we can’t even get past “how are you” on Tinder, how are we going to have a conversation over a drink or a meal?

Next.

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Ocho

I woke up the day after my 3 hour phone date giddy and sleep deprived. I had errands and homework to get done before meeting up with ‘the singer’ (that’s what we’ll call him for now), so I had to get moving. I multitasked like never before, and I was able to get everything done, pick out an outfit, and make it to our meet up spot 5 minutes early.

If you know me, you know this is no easy feat. 

Unfortunately, he was late. But he did text me to let me know. And since I’m usually the one who is late, I couldn’t complain. I walked around the nearby Gap so I didn’t freeze outside and waiting for him to show up. After getting a text that he was 5 minutes away, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was so nervous! I was mindlessly browsing through a clothing rack when I looked up and saw him looking at me from across the store also walking behind a clothing rack. It really was a movie moment. 

We walked to the restaurant together and after dinner we went to a bar in Union Square. The conversation flowed from the moment we said hello until the end of the night. The only thing that bothered me a bit was that he was on his phone a little bit too much for my liking. He apologized and said that since he owned his own business, he was always working and just had to respond to a couple of client emails quickly. Other than that he was a total gentlemen, he paid for everything, he held doors for me, we had great conversation, attraction…it was probably one of the best dates I’d had in a long time.

#7…for real this time

Over the past week and a half, I have gone on dates 7- 10. I also started my Master’s Program during that time, which is why I haven’t had time to sleep, let alone update my blog. My apologies….let me get you up to speed!

Date 7 wasn’t your typical date. It was actually a phone conversation…that lasted 3 hours.

No that wasn’t a typo.

3 hours….on the phone…with a guy….

I can’t remember the last time I was on the phone for 3 hours with someone! And not one moment was dull. No awkward silences, long pauses, or weird transitions into another topic. Just an easy conversation with someone I’d just met, that flowed as if we’d known each other for years.

Among other things, I found out that:

He’s 33

He’s not a fan of ‘dating’…he’s more of a relationship guy.

He’s on the same page as me when it comes to religion (it’s just not for him).

He’s a singer/songwriter who is signed to a label and has a few albums out and is trying to make a bigger name for himself (kind of a red flag in my opinion, but I’ll let that slide for now)

He owns his own financial consulting business

I’m not going to list everything we talked about…it was 3 hours after all. But we did make plans to meet up the next evening for dinner / drinks…

#7…nope, nevermind

I decided to sign back up for OKCupid. I figured, at the very least, I’d get some funny message stories to share. And if I happened to get a few more dates out of it, then that’s cool too.

After a few days, I met a guy on there that I was somewhat interested in. We messaged back and forth for a couple of days and he seemed like a cool guy. We exchanged numbers and texted back and forth for a little while before he suggested we meet up for a drink. He asked to meet up for drinks after work that Friday, but I already had plans, so we settled on Sunday instead. We lived in different areas of Brooklyn, but still fairly close to each other so we decided to find a place to meet in the middle.

Then I texted him the next day, and no response.

And I haven’t heard from him since.

Yep…seriously.

I don’t get it. A (kind of) similar situation happened to my friend this weekend as well. She had a date planned with a guy on Sunday as well – a second chance date at that, considering on their first try at meeting up he had to cancel at the last-minute to pick a friend up from the hospital. They had a day and time set, just not the place yet. Ok, no big deal…except that he didn’t even reach out to her about the date until 20 minutes before they were supposed to meet. And she had reached out to him earlier that day with no response.

Seriously, though…what the f*@% is wrong with guys these days? Is it too much to ask to have someone make a plan and stick to it?

#6

Date #6 was with the same guy from #3 (met up after work, paid for my cab ride home, super sweet) and #4 (helped him pick out a costume, incredibly clingy, tried to make out on the street).

To be honest, I wasn’t so sure I was interested anymore after the second date. He was kind of annoying, and we just didn’t click. But he seemed like a really nice guy, so I figured I’d give it one more try. At the very least, I thought maybe we could have a ‘beneficial friendship’ type arrangement.

Hey, don’t judge.  A girl’s got needs too, you know.

So I invited him over to watch a movie and order some take out…

I’m pretty confident that that was the last night I’ll ever see him.

It’s just not going to work. I tried, I really did. But you really shouldn’t have to try so hard within the first few dates. That is supposed to be the start of the honey moon stage of a relationship. Where you think everything they say is cute and funny. And you think their quirks are adorable, not something you try to look past. That should come way later in the relationship.

So I threw in the towel. There’s just no emotional connection at all. And physically there’s nothing there (in more ways than one).

Oh well…6 down, 24 more to go…

#5

I met date #5 on you guessed it…Tinder.

It was hard to get a great idea of what he looked like, because he only had one picture of his full face. The rest were action shots that only showed part of his face….him playing pool or laughing on the floor, etc etc.

Usually, I turn those profiles down immediately. But I think the pressure to go on 30 dates with only 27 more weeks left had me a little less ‘picky.’

We talked a little bit before agreeing to meet up after work one night. Again – I typically like to message back and forth a little longer before I meet up with someone. Mainly because if I can’t hold a conversation with you via messages, there’s no way we’d have a good conversation in person.

But again – I went against my norm…

Bad idea.

Besides the fact that he looked NOTHING like his picture…there was nothing really ‘wrong’ with this guy. He wasn’t crazy, or mean, or obnoxious. He didn’t call me fat or try to lift me…

He was just….boring. Incredibly, painfully, boring.

And when he spoke, he reminded me of Dave Chappelle when he plays a white guy. Here is an example in case you’ve never seen it. Skip to around :20 in…

I lasted a little over an hour before I had to get out of there. I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual because I haven’t heard from him since, and that was over a week ago.

From now on I’m sticking with my original “rules”….if the guy only has ONE clear picture – decline. And do not agree to meet up and potentially waste your time until you’ve had a decent back and forth with him.

Lesson learned.

#4

I met up with the guy from date #3 the day after our first date, so I could help him put together an amazing Sho’Nuff costume for Halloween. I’m going to consider this my date #4.

We met up at a shopping center near me, and spent hours looking for pieces to make up the costume, and then afterwards I we spent another hour or so cutting, glueing, and putting the costume together.

The day went relatively well – no glaring warning signs or absurd comments that usually go on with my dates. But there are a couple of things that I noticed and will be keeping an eye on:

1. He’s very very touchy. Like always wanting to hold my hand, and hug on me, and kiss me while we’re waiting to cross the street. I’m not a big fan of that. Especially since I had JUST met him the night before…

Too soon

2. He seems like a bit of a partier. In fact, the party we were getting the costume together for was a day party, that would go all night. Honestly, I can’t hang like that anymore…but to each his own. The only thing that really bothered me about the partying aspect was when he used the phrase “turnt up” when referring to the party. (yes turnT, not turned). For those of you who don’t know what the phrase means, here are a few definitions from the urban dictionary:

The act of going crazy at a party;Wanting go to a party for an awesome time!
Lily:That part was so sick last night! 
Julia:Yeah we were so turnt up! Lol
to get drunk or to get excited about something.
let’s go get a bottle and get turn’t up tonight…
drunk, wasted or otherwise impaired
I never go to Denny’s past 2am unless I am turnt up
You get the picture.
Anyway, I hate that phrase. But I wasn’t sure if he was using the phrase, himself, OR if that was the name of the party. So I asked for clarification and he said “You don’t know what turnt up means? You’ve never heard of that phrase before?
Oh, no, I know what it means. I’m just trying to figure out if that’s the name of the party or if you’re actually using that phrase in a conversation right now.
He laughed and said “No, it’s not the name of the party, that’s just what happens at the bar where the party is being thrown.”
Ooh I see….I don’t turn up.
He laughed and said “oh no, you don’t turn up?”
“Nope. I turn way down”
We both laughed a little and moved on.
Again, no major red flags. But I can’t say that I was sad when our day was over. We’ll see what happens.
OH…and his costume came out amazing by the way.

#3

I met date #3 on Tinder. We ‘matched’ over a month ago, but after exchanging hellos, we stopped messaging each others. Then last week he randomly reached out again and we started up a conversation. We messaged back and forth for a few days before exchanging numbers and eventually setting up a date.

We live relatively close to each other, so I picked a place that was between the two of us. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that the place I chose wasn’t open on Mondays…oops. Luckily, the bar two doors down was open, so we went in there to grab a drink. 

We started talking about our families, and I mentioned that my Uncle was an amazing cook, and joked that my friends often fall in love with him because is food is so delicious. To which he replied “I hope I get to meet him one day.”

It’s been less than a half hour and he’s talking about meeting my family? I thought it was a little strange, but I didn’t really look too much into it.

Then we were talking about Brooklyn and how he never goes out here because he works in Manhattan and all his friends live in Manhattan. So I asked him why he doesn’t just move to Manhattan? He said “well, my lease is up in November, so we’ll see what happens. We’ll see how this date goes…”

Again…I thought that was a little strange. Not sure what our date has to do with where he lives in less than a month, but again – I didn’t really over analyze it.

He was a little hungry, so after we finished our first drink we went to another place to grab some food and he refused to let me put in money for the cab ride there. He’s already one step ahead of most of the guys I’ve dated recently.

We shared a few appetizers, had a few more drinks and laughed – a lot. He told me that his friend was having a Halloween Party with a “Villain” theme, and that he wanted to go as Sho’Nuff from The Last Dragon and I almost lost it. I explained to him that I was planning on going as Sho’Nuff a few years ago, but couldn’t get the whole costume together. (If you don’t know who Sho’Nuff is, or never heard of The Last Dragon…look it up immediately. You can thank me later).

“I even bought ‘the glow’! I’ve never been able to use it though, you should borrow it for your costume”

” I don’t even know where to start with the costume. I’m not really big on Halloween to be honest.”

“Oh my god, Halloween is like my Christmas. You can totally put that costume together.”

“You have to help me then!”

I agreed to go to the costume store with him the next day after work, and we thought of ideas on how to make the costume as authentic as possible.

Then at some point he said something really funny (I can’t remember what). I have this thing that I do a lot…if someone says something funny while I’m drinking, I spit out my drink. I’m not talking a little drool or dribble…I’m talking full on, movie quality, projectile spray.

And that’s exactly what happened this time…with a mouth full of red wine…and it got all over EVERYTHING, including his new shirt.

I.Was.Mortified.

Luckily, he was really good about it. In fact, we were both laughing so hard we couldn’t speak for a few minutes. I apologized, profusely, and he said “well…this WAS a new shirt…” before assuring me that it was no big deal. 

When we were finished with our food, we went to another bar for one more drink before I had to call it a night so I could wake up for work in the morning. By then it was around 12:30 (still early for NYC standards) but he refused to let me take a train or bus home by myself. Instead, he hailed a cab and rode it home with me. When we pulled up to my apartment he paid the driver (I tried to pay and he wasn’t having it), walked me to my door and then took the bus back to his apartment.

He kissed me goodnight, and not once tried to come upstairs or made me feel uncomfortable.

 

And that, gentlemen, is how you ‘take a girl out’.

 

I couldn’t wait to help him with his costume the next day….

#1

A few months ago, my friend convinced me to try Tinder, a new dating app she had just downloaded. I had recently given up on the whole ‘online dating’ thing (too many weirdos), but she eventually managed to convince me to give it a shot.

It was surprisingly addicting! For those of you who don’t know about it, the app links to your facebook profile, accessing only your age, first name, interests, friends, and up to 5 profile pictures of your choosing. You set your gender, age, and distance preferences and then the app matches you with people based on those settings. All you get is a picture(s) of the person, along with their age, any matching interests, and any friends that you may have in common.

No long profiles to fill out or personality questions to ask. Either you’re attracted to the person or you’re not. If yes, then you swipe their picture to the right. If you’re not, swipe left.

If you like someone and they like you back, then you have a match and you can message each other.

So, I downloaded the app and started messaging back and forth with one of my matches by the end of the day. I was on the fence about some of his pictures, but he seemed really nice, and he was incredibly funny so we ended up exchanging numbers and eventually graduated to texting each other before deciding to meet up the following weekend.

He worked a lot of overnights, so we decided to meet up at noon for coffee at a cafe in my area.

He was much better looking in person and SO funny! We sat at the coffee shop for at least an hour talking and making jokes. Our senses of humor matched up perfectly.

He mentioned a donut shop a few blocks down the road that was supposed to have the most amazing donuts in Brooklyn, and when I told him that I had never been there, he demanded suggested that we go there immediately.

The donuts were amazing!

We each got one and went across the street and sat on a bench in the park to eat and talk.

By the time we finished, a few hours had gone by and he had to get to work. The goodbye was really awkward. We both said we had fun, and said we should hang out again after my surgery (this was right before surgery #2). And then he kind of just stared at me…and then offered his hand out for me to shake.

Super Awkward.

The day went great, and we got along really well, but to be honest I kind of got more of a friend vibe from him. I was still interested in meeting up with him again, but I wasn’t DYING to meet up with him again.

We kept in touch for a few weeks, and then slowly started to reach out to each other less and less. I sent him a text message after I was off my crutches to let him know I was off the crutches and able to meet up if he wanted to hang out. We exchanged a couple of texts that day…but I haven’t heard from him since.

We’ll see what happens, but I’m not banking on running into him again.

Match vs OKC

About a month ago, I bought a Living Social voucher for a month trial to Match.com. I’ve been so busy the past few weeks, I haven’t had a chance to sign up. Now that I’m home pretty much on bed-rest for the next week (hip surgery), I figure now is the perfect time to start my free trial – and find out if paid sites are better than free ones. Stay tuned….

In the meantime, I did receive a kind of cute message from someone on OKC (shocking, I know). It said:

Can I take you off the market?

Kind of cute without being too creepy.