when giving out your number goes wrong…again

It’s not very often that (what I consider) an attractive man asks me for my number on the street.

A kinda-decent-in-the-right-light looking guy – possibly.

A man you have absolutely zero interest or attraction to – most likely.

But a man who I’m actually attracted to? Hardly ever.

(and no, I’m not too picky – I can’t help who I am (and am not) attracted to. So save it)

Which is why, when I was on my way to the train and saw this fine piece of man walking towards me, I didn’t think anything of it and continued checking my email on my phone. When I looked up and noticed that he was staring at me, I thought maybe something was on my face. Then when he slowed down to say hello, I realized that he was showing interest in me.

Jackpot!

So we had a (very) brief conversation on the sidewalk before exchanging numbers.

The next day he sent me a text at 4:30pm.

This is how our conversation went:

Him: Hey

Me: Hey

Him: What u doing

Me: Working. You?

Him: in the city.

Now, this stumped me a little. I wasn’t sure if he was asking me if I worked in the city, or telling me that he was in the city. So I asked for clarification…

Me: You’re in the city?

Him: Yea

Me: Oh, Ok.

15 minutes later…

Him: Good day?

Me: Yeah, so far. It was pretty slow, which was nice. You? Are you working in the city?

Him: Yea I finished

Me: Oh ok.

Him: What time you finish

I’m trying really hard not to judge his grammar considering it’s via text.

He asked a few more questions (what time I got out of work, if I lived with roommates, etc etc) before saying:

I wish I could of seen you tonight somehow

At this point, not only is his grammar irking me, but I also wanted to remind him that he never actually asked to see me. If that was his way of asking, he’s going to have to do better. Since I wouldn’t have been able to meet up even if he had asked, I let it slide.

Me: What’s your schedule typically like?

Him: Changes

Me: Oh Ok.

5 days later…

Him: What’s up

Me: Nothing much just working. You?

Him: What’s you doing after work

Me: Meeting up with a couple of old coworkers

Him: When imma see you

No. None of what was just typed was a typo on my part. And yes, he did actually say When imma see you

Imma? Really? Look, I wouldn’t say that I speak ‘proper’ English all the time. In fact, I’ve definitely said ‘imma’ before – I’m a fast talker and my words tend to run into each other. However, you’re typing. You have the option of fixing that shit before you hit send. Just sayin’…

Me: Whenever you actually try to make plans to see me.

Him: tonight lol after your coworkers

This is now the 2nd time that this guy has tried to ‘make plans’ with me on the same day – within hours from when he wants to meet up. I’m all for spontaneity, but it would be nice if he actually asked ahead of time to take me out.

Me: I won’t be done until late.

Him: tomorrow

Me: I have class tomorrow, but I get out at 8:30. I can either meet up for then for a bit, or I can do next Wednesday after work.

Him: Next Wednesday then.

Me: Ok, sounds good.

Him: send me a pic

UGH! One of my biggest turn offs/ pet peeves is when a guy that I barely know (or in his case, don’t know at all) asks me to text him a picture (this comes second to wearing sunglasses at night – which we’ll get to shortly). It just comes off sleazy to me.

Me: why did you forget what I looked like already?

Him: no, I just wanted one

Me: Oh ok. I’m not really a big fan of sending pics. Sorry.

At this point I really didn’t want to anything to do with this guy, but it had been so long since I’d been on a date, I felt that I owed it to myself to go. Of course, I asked my friends what they thought and got mixed responses. Some saying just go, what can it hurt and others saying don’t waste your time. So I decided to think on it over the weekend.

And of course, he made my decision for me.

Monday night at 11p I get a text from him

I’m driving around bored…what u doing

Wow…how sweet.

Me: eating dinner

Him: can I see you?

Again with the last-minute bullshit. And this time it’s damn near midnight.

Me: um wow…really? No.

Him: why not how cum

Yes, my friends. That is how he spelled ‘how come.’ Gross.

Me: it’s quite clear that all you want to do is have sex, which is fine, but you come off really sleazy so I’m really just turned off now.

Him: are you crazy?

Ah, yes. There it is. The ‘you’re crazy’ line. Why is it that men always assume a woman is either crazy or a lesbian if they aren’t interested in them? Me telling you that it seems like all you want is sex when you constantly contact me last-minute and then reach out at 11pm because ‘you’re bored’ when I don’t even know you does not make me crazy. You haven’t seen crazy, boo boo.

Him: I want to come get you and have a drink

Well, at least he spelled ‘come’ correctly.

Me: It’s 11:30 at night and I work tomorrow, for one. For two, this is now the 3rd time that you’ve reached out right before you’re trying to ‘hang out.’ You have not once reached out to actually speak to me. No, I’m not crazy, I’m just no longer interested.

I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night (shocker). I thought I wouldn’t hear from him at all, but then 2 days later…

I’m sorry…I really wanna get I know u

Again, not a typo on my part.

One month later…

Hi

2 Weeks after that…

blogger-image-577097617*

*Note: I would typically be against posting identifying information about someone on my blog (names, pictures, screen names, etc), but since this dude decided it was a good idea to text a random woman his picture, my guess is that he wouldn’t mind

These are wrong on SO many levels, but let’s just state the obvious, shall we?

1. Self portrait…in the bathroom mirror…wearing sunglasses…inside…

I don’t think I need to go on, but just for shits and giggles…

2. I have not responded to his texts in over a month. Not one. And the last time that I did respond, it was to tell him that I thought he was sleazy and that I was turned off and no longer interested.

Yes, sir, sending me unsolicited pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror in a coca-cola shirt and sunglasses is a great idea! I have no idea why I would have gotten a sleazy vibe from you…

3. He sends me, not one, but THREE versions of said picture. Apparently, he couldn’t decide what pose was best – hat forward, hat backwards, or the ‘artistic’ side mirror angle.

Brilliant

A month and a half later I get another “Hi” text from him. Then the next day, I get a “Hey” text.

Now I’m starting to get annoyed. So I respond.

Me: I think you might have me confused with someone else. Please stop texting me.

Him: It’s (my name). I know exactly who you are. tub fronting.

I’m assuming that’s supposed to say STOP fronting. We all know by now that he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Either that, or his auto-correct hates him.

Me: Ok. Either way…please stop texting me. Thanks.

Him: smfh why

Me: I don’t even know you! You didn’t make a real attempt at all to get to know me before asking to come to my house and pick me up at almost midnight. I tell you I’m not interested and you keep texting me for months – one time to send me 3 pictures of yourself, taken BY yourself, in a bathroom mirror (wearing sunglasses indoors I might add)…

Him: I apologize for that. I’m trying to make better. I’m not that way.

Him: I don’t to be looked as that , lets restart and have a dinner date and talk , I can be a very gentleman.

Not that I should have to clarify this by now, but those are not typos on my part.

Me: No thank you.

Him:

ok...so maybe I feel a little bad putting his picture online. Since his face isn't covered with glasses and a hat, I blocked it out to protect the not so innocent.

ok…so maybe I feel a little bad putting his picture online. Since his face isn’t covered with glasses and a hat, I blocked it out to protect the not so innocent.

Ugh..this guy.

Me: Seriously leave me alone. I don’t want pictures of you. I don’t want a million ‘hi’ texts. Just stop. You claim you’re a gentleman, so act like one and stop bothering me.

So far that seemed to work. I have not heard from him since, and that was 4 months ago, so I think I’m in the clear.

Phew…

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misery loves company

When it comes to awkward, funny or just plain awful dates, I have stories for days!

But it doesn’t have to be ALL about me.

If you, or someone you know, has a funny / crazy / unbelievably ridiculous date or relationship story to share, please email me at:

theromanticallychallengedblog@gmail.com

Any submissions will be kept anonymous (unless asked not to) – and while I would never change your story, I do reserve the right to edit based on spelling/grammar.

That includes stories from both sexes by the way…and while I’m specifying – all sexual orientations too! I want to hear from everyone!

The Chronicles of the Romantically Challenged

For the longest time, my friends have been telling me that I should write a book about my past dates and relationships.  And, looking back on the past 10 years, they’re probably right. Between dating a holy roller in love with Jesus, to basically being told I was fat- I’ve had more ‘you can’t make this shit up’ moments then you’d believe.

Add in my recent venture in online dating, and the stories get even better. I’ve been proposed to, cursed out, and written into a harlequin novel-esque fantasy, all within the first few online exchanges.

So, consider this blog my rough draft. My hilariously unbelievable, and sometimes disturbing, dating stories – past, present, and (hopefully) future.

…welcome to The Chronicles of the Romantically Challenged