Overheard in…Prospect Park

I was sitting on a bench outside Prospect Park and two women walked by. As they passed me, I overheard a piece of their conversation…

“…so he said ‘I have several female friends that I’m sexually active with’ ….and I’m like ‘why the fuck would you say that on a first date?!'”

I’m ashamed to say that I felt a bit of comfort in knowing that there are ladies out there going through it just as bad as me.

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9 and 10

Ok, I’m behind on posting about my recent dates…so I’m going to put 9 and 10 into one post because I’d like to get past this guy as quickly as possible.

Read on…you’ll see why

9

The day after date 8, ‘the singer’ texted me to ask how my day was going. I told him I was crazy busy at work, and he offered to bring me sushi.

I was confused…I told him that I wouldn’t be able to actually eat lunch with him because I was too busy to leave. And he said “it’s ok, I’ll eat mine before I come, and just drop yours off to you.”

What?? How sweet is that?! And he actually did it. He came all the way downtown, brought me lunch, gave me a hug and left. Seriously, the nicest thing someone has done for me.

That night we had plans to hang out for a little while. So we met up and watched a movie at my place. When he got there he had some Caribbean food in hand for me. Again – super sweet!

The next day I heard from him via text and he wanted to hang out again. I told him I couldn’t because I had my first grad school class that night and wouldn’t be home until 11pm or later. So he asked if we could hang out the next night. Again, I told him that I don’t think it would be a good idea because I had homework to get done. I explained to him that I really liked hanging out with him, but my schedule is a little crazy right now because I had just started my Master’s Program and I’m still adjusting to the new workload. He said he understood and that we’d plan something for that weekend.

Then Wednesday he text me during the day to check in and I told him how much work my classes are and that I would be heading right home from work to get caught up on homework for the rest of the night.

Then he calls me that night and wants to talk for an hour. Again, I had to explain to him that, while I would love to talk to him for hours I really needed to focus on my work. Between my job and my classes, I was incredibly stressed out and needed to get everything under control.

Then he asked to hang out Thursday night.

Sigh.

I told him that I actually had my Krav Maga class on Thursday nights and since I can only go once a week I really couldn’t cancel it. I told him I got out at 930 and then was heading right home.

At 9:45 he called me.

I explained to him, again, about my workload. But I told him that we could meet up Friday after work for a quick bite to eat.

That was date 10

It went very well. He was very sweet, a gentlemen…all that. We had dinner and grabbed another drink afterwards at a nearby bar. Then he walked me to the subway and I headed home at a reasonable hour so I could get up the next morning to do work.

I was supposed to see him that Sunday to watch the Superbowl, but I ended up canceling because…yeah..the homework thing. He was very understanding about it, which was a relief.

Then Monday happened. We were texting a little throughout the day, and he said to call him when I got home and settled, because he had something he wanted to talk to me about.

Oh boy.

I told him to just tell me now, I’m not a fan of that dramatic, ‘we need to talk’ nonsense, especially at this stage in the game. But he assured me it was actually good news so I let it go.

I called him when I got home and he basically asked me to co-sign a 150,000 loan for him.

Yeah…you definitely read that right, but go ahead and re-read that line anyway.

Apparently, his ‘financial consulting’ business helps get people large loans. The way he explained it was that I would sign on as the PG (personal guarantor) for a loan, and after 7 days when the loan went through, my name would be taken off the loan and he would be solely responsible for it.

And he’d give me 15,000 for my troubles.

To say I was in shock is an understatement. I had known this man for 1 week and a day. And he’s asking me to be a PG on a loan?? For 150,000 dollars?

Kanye-West-Blank-stare

111267

When I told him that 1. I don’t mix business (or more accurately MONEY) with pleasure, and 2.  I was really uncomfortable with the fact that he even asked me to do something like that…he just kept going..trying to sell me on the idea. He said:

“Just think about it and let me know. And whatever you decide won’t affect what we have. I just thought this is something we could both benefit from, but if you don’t want to do it, it’s cool”

Yeah…but no…it’s not ‘cool.’ There are so many reasons things are no longer ‘cool’ with us. I’ve known you for A WEEK and you’re trying to get me involved in some SUPER SHADY sounding nonsense?!

He told me that he could put me in touch with ‘his business partner’ and he would explain everything to me in better detail.

GagaStop

I’m done.  There will be no more dates with ‘the singer’ ‘the scammer’.

Lingo, Language, Linguistics

I just read a really good article in the NY Times called The End of Courtship?

The article begins with a story of a woman, Shani Silver, who was asked out on a ‘date’ with a man she met online. When said date night rolled around, she didn’t hear from the guy until 10:30 via a text message that read “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever? Here with a bunch of friends from college.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, because a similar situation just happened to a close friend of mine. She met a man via Tinder, and he asked her if she wanted to ‘hang out’ that weekend. When she finally heard from him regarding their hang out, he invited her out later that night with a group of his friends.

The suggestion blew both of our minds. I understand the whole idea of meeting in a public place when you first meet someone. Specially someone you meet online. But to ask a woman to come meet you and a group of your friends at a bar for your first date is a little strange. Or maybe it was that he wanted to meet her first before taking her out on a date? If that was the case…A. Be clear. Don’t make it seem like you want to go out on a date and then ask her to hang out with you and your friends. And B. why would you think it’s a good idea to hang out with a woman you’ve never met at a bar with all of your friends? How much are you going to get to know someone with all your friends there.  Talk about awkward.

While I’ve never been asked to hang out with a guy and a bunch of his buddies for our first hang out, I did go on a date with a guy recently, only to be informed a quarter of the way through that it wasn’t actually a date that we were on. We were, apparently, just ‘hanging out.’

Another time I was catching up with a guy friend of mine who asked if I was dating anyone.

Sure, I’ve been dating  a few people.

A few people?

Well yeah. You know…going on dates. I’m not seeing any one person or going on numerous dates with any one person right now, but I’m dating.

So you’ve been meeting people.

Yeah, sure. Meeting people…dating people…same thing.

Well meeting people sounds less slutty.

?????

I never said I was sleeping with them, I said dating. As in going on dates.

The terminology is so confusing!

Dating can mean anything from actively going on dates with various people, to going on numerous dates with one person, to consistently hanging out with one person.

Hanging out can mean anything from dating to hooking up. And hooking up can mean anything from kissing to sex (and everything in between).

It’s a completely different language. Unfortunately, there’s no Rosetta Stone for the current dating culture. Not even a Dating Dictionary for Dummies. So if you’re single in your 20’s or 30’s (or any age, really) you’re forced to constantly decode messages and conversations – often times without the help of voice inflection and tone because 90% of the time, ‘conversations’ are all done via text message.

Why are you single

I was reading Huffington Post today and came across this gem

This woman is so spot on!

I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I have had discussions about how incredibly annoying it is when people ask us “why are you still single” – or any variation of that question.

You’re so funny/pretty/smart/successful/etc…I don’t understand how you are still single. 

And it’s usually said with such sympathy. As if being single is like having some terrible disease that we just don’t deserve to be plagued with.

It’s equally as annoying when a guy who’s trying to hit on you says it.

I know you must have a man or a husband, because you are too fine to be single

Or even better (and yes this has been said)…

You’re pretty, smart, you have a job, and you don’t have any kids…but you’re single. What’s wrong with you?

Are.You.Kidding.Me

First of all, and I know I’ve said this before in a previous post, but it’s worth repeating.

NOTHING is wrong with me.

Second, I’m assuming that you are single as well if you’re trying to spit game to me. So are you saying that you AREN’T single? Or is it that you aren’t as good looking/successful/smart as you think I am, therefore it’s no shocker that you’re single?

Either way, no thank you.
My best friend and I decided that we were going to start responding to that question by saying:

You know, I’m not sure what the problem is. It’s so crazy. All of my dates go really well until I take the guy home and show him how I’ve decorated my future baby’s room. 

Or

Everything goes really well until I take him home and show him the wedding dress I’ve already purchased for our future wedding.

I tried it the last line with one guy and he almost shit himself. I’ve never seen a man want to run away from me so badly in my life.

It was amazing.

So let this be a warning…the next time someone tells me I’m too (fill in the blank) to be single

When I Say I Love You…

I was cleaning out my personal email during my lunch break, and came across an email that one of my best friends sent me a few months ago. It was a post from the blog The Elephant Journal that, in my mind, is the ultimate love letter (written by Ben Neal). 

Just thought I’d share…

 

When I Say I Love You, This Is What I Mean

 

I love you. And not a day goes by that I don’t tell you.

But the silent poetry that throbs in my chest cannot be uttered in three little words—or 3,000 for that matter. Whenever I try to describe the way I feel for you, every word seems trite and hollow; the whole English language insufficient.

Maybe if I write it, raw and uncut. If I pour myself out, and breathe passion fire into these words and make them live, they might come into your heart and dance. Maybe when you read this it will take you there—to where the wild drums are beating, where pain and bliss both run together, where lovers die into each other, and are born again…

I want you to know this feel this.

When I say “I love you,” what I really mean is that I want you. From the very first time you ran your fingers through my hair, I have longed for you—for your touch, your embrace, your taste on my lips.

You turn me on. It’s undeniable. It’s chemical. It’s electric.

When I say “I love you,” I really mean that you’re beautiful. You’re gorgeous in your heels and gowns and all your glittering finery, and even more so in your pajamas and blue jeans. When you’re not even trying, when you let go and just be carelessly, naturally you, it takes my breath away—like a sunset reflected in still water, or a starry night so clear you can see the Milky Way poured out across the sky.

When I say “I love you,” I mean that I love your form, your body, your arc and elegance. I love the curve of your neck, your breasts, your back and your hips. You embody pure woman from the curls in your hair down to your ankles and toes. Like no one else can, you awaken the man in me, the beast in me, the passion and hunger and lust.

I love how you move, your effortless grace. I love how you walk, your rhythm and sway. I love how you dance. I love how we fuck­—how we breathe and thrust and grind as one. One pulse, one pleasure, one ecstatic culmination; a prayer, a holy communion.

When I say “I love you,” I mean all of you, just as you are. I love your silliness and your playfulness, how easily we can laugh at ourselves and at life. I love your courage, your strength. I love your jealousy and insecurity. I love your (sometimes painful) honesty. I love how you really walk your talk and take responsibility for your own “stuff.” I love your willingness to face your fears and grow.

I love who you are, deep down—the timeless innocence I see in your eyes. Underneath everything you say and do I see a pure and selfless intent, a kind and compassionate soul.

When I say “I love you,” I mean I trust you. I respect you. I admire you. I adore you.

When I say “I love you,” I mean that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every time I take you for granted. I’m sorry for every time I’m too busy, too distant, too self-absorbed to make time for you. I’m sorry for every time I fall short of being the man you deserve.

When I say “I love you,” I mean that I love this dance of loving each other. I love how it constantly calls me to go deeper, to walk my talk, to own my shit, to face my fears and grow. I love sharing life with you—the triumphs and the failures, the laughter and the painful silence.

When I say “I love you,” I mean my life is better with you in it. I’m a better man because of you. And the more I come to know you, the more I want to know. I miss you when you’re not around. I’m grateful for every moment we’re together.

When I say “I love you,” I mean I want to be the one you turn to when you’re hurting. I want to be the one who listens. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to take care of you. I want to give you something to stand on in this crazy, constantly changing world.

I want to make a home and a family with you. I want you to be my partner, my lover, my Radhe—the yin to my yang. I want to wake up next to you in the morning. I want you beside me when I close my eyes at night. In a universe of infinite possibilities, on a planet of seven billion human beings, I want you.

Baby, the next time I grab you as you’re passing by, put my arms around your waist and pull you close, kiss your sweet lips, look deep into your eyes and say “I love you,” this is what I really mean:

Here I am—body and soul, sinner and saint, warrior and fool, all of my love and all of my baggage—all of me. Here I am, with open arms.

I see you—mother, daughter, sister, lover, the light and the darkness, the goddess and the scared little girl—all of you. I want you, all of you, you and only you, just as you are.

I have a place here in my heart for you. 

4.5

4 1/2 months.

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve last posted.

Four.and.a.half.MONTHS!

You know when someone says they’ll call/text you back and doesn’t? And then days, weeks, etc later they call/text with a ‘hey!’ like nothing happened? Like they haven’t been MIA for the past however long?

Well I hate that.

It irritates the hell out of me.

So, while I do have a date or two to post about, I had to at least address and explain my (long) absence first.

To be honest, there hasn’t been much going on in my romantic life for me to post about. I had my second (and final) hip surgery in August, which had me mobility challenged for a month, which really put a damper on any potential dates.

(although my crutches were pretty dope…)

But I digress…

To be honest,  I was getting over some pretty shitty (and at the time, pretty recent) guy bullshit that I didn’t feel like reliving.

For the most part, I don’t take myself too seriously. And I’m all for ‘turning lemons into lemonade’, and laughing at my horrible dating experiences to entertain my friends, family, and whoever else may be reading this thing. But then there are times that things get a little too personal. When things aren’t really all that funny to me. And that’s the stuff I’m not quite willing to share.

Not yet at least.

So I guess I was in a blogging funk. I wasn’t having any new dating experiences (funny or fantastic), and I didn’t want to talk about the not so funny stuff that was going on. All of which, got me incredibly annoyed, irritated and turned off from the whole idea of blogging. I threw a bit of an (internal) temper tantrum and refused to even entertain the idea of blogging.

However, after four months (did I mention I haven’t posted in four months?), my temper tantrum has finally run its course! I put on my big girl panties and I’m going to do my best to stay on track.

So for now, I’ll say a great big I’m Sorry

…to anyone who might have been wondering where I disappeared to… but also, and mainly, to myself. Because that’s the real reason I blog anyway, right? For me. Not only as a way to do what I love (write), but also to document and laugh at my crazy experiences.

And if y’all happen to laugh along with me, even better!

I promise my next post won’t be 4.5 months from now.

When it rains it pours

It__s_raining_men__Alleluia_by_Vaan_Nila

It__s_raining_men__Alleluia_by_Vaan_Nila

So far it’s been 3 days since signing up for Match, and to be honest I haven’t seen much of a difference in the quality of men.

But it’s still early.

I did get my first message monster… You know the guys that scare you away based on the content and/or volume of the messages they send you.

First I received this message:

Good Morning 🙂

I just read and viewed your profile, you seem amazing! I would love to get to know you. Please read my lengthy bio..lol and view my pics and please let me know if the interest is mutual, im really hoping it is.

What else can I share….I consider myself to be warm, fun, kind, considerate, passionate, funny, caring, affectionate, honest, sincere, loving, and selfless. Im a humble man, who takes pride in who he is and how i treat others. As I stated in my profile, I am looking for love, true love. Integrity is very important to me and I live my life through that lens and expect to receive the same from others.

Professionally I work as a General manager of a restaurant/lounge in the city. which means among other things im in a suit and tie most days, because of this I def. enjoy my weekends where I can relax in a pair of jeans 😉 I have been in the industry for over 12 years.

Well I will leave the rest in your hands in hopes that you reciprocate what i have begun, all I ask is for a chance, I think we would be very dynamic and amazing together. There is so much in your profile that I connect with, I hope you give us a chance.

Best

Not SO terrible right? A little lengthy and slightly generic, but nothing crazy. Then minutes later I receive this photo comment from the same guy:

You are Beautiful.

Ok. That’s nice of him. No big deal. Then, again, minutes later I receive this comment from that same guy, on a different picture of mine:

I really hope we give one another a chance, you seem wonderful, and like I said in my email, I think we would be amazing together. 🙂
I’m sorry. That’s just too much. Way too much.

On a positive note, there is one guy on there that I’ve been talking to that seems pretty cool.

And on an even better (and surprising) note – I just so happened to meet someone on OKC that seems pretty awesome. AND he’s a cutie. He invited me to an event in BK this weekend, which I’m hoping I can make it to. Unfortunately I might still be on crutches this weekend, so in that case we’re going to meet up next weekend 😉