boo-boo

I was on my way to the grocery store last weekend, when someone started walking along side of me. At first I didn’t think anything of it because it was a beautiful day and the streets were really crowded. Then I heard:

Excuse me BooBoo, can I talk to you for a minute.

I was shocked that someone was actually using “BooBoo” as a term of endearment and I slowly turned my head to see if it was a joke. The man walking next to me was staring at me, dead serious and from the looks of it, incredibly high.

I smiled and said “no thank you.” His response was

“It’s ’cause I’m black, right?”

Immediately about 5 different responses flooded my head:

What the fuck are you talking about, I’m black myself.

No, it’s because you just called me BooBoo

No, it’s because I’m just not interested.

No, it’s because you look like you’re high as fuck.

No, it’s because you look like you have no job, no education, and hang out at the corner store all day.

Instead I briefly paused, took a deep breath, and kept it moving. As I walked away I hear “yeah, it’s ’cause I’m black.”

Meanwhile, in the Tinderverse, here are some gems that either myself or my friends have come across:

tinder guy 3

tinder guy1

tinder guy2

Keep it classy fellas…..

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Tinder update

Here are some of my Tinder exchanges so far….

Guy 1

Him: Hi

Me: Hello

Him: How are you today?

Me: I’m great, how are you?

Him: Can’t complain nice weather out…are you black or white?

Really? The first thing after “how are you” is “are you black or white”??

Next.

Guy 2

Him: your hair is dope

Me: thanks, I was thinking the same thing about yours!

Him: wyd on this rainy day?

Me: homework unfortunately, what about you?

Him: I probably should be doing that…I’m clean and eat and watch TV…where do you live?

Him: Come drink wine with me then let’s cuddle and pass out….that would be perfect too.

Me: Well, I don’t even know you so that would be strange.

Him: I’m guessing we’d learn about each other before passing out.

Me: I’d have to learn about a person before getting in their bed…or couch…or apartment in general.

yeah…next.

Guy 3

Him: Hey how are you?

Me: I’m great, how are you?

Him: I’m good enjoying this cool weather here.

Me: Yeah me too! I love the fall.

one day later…

Him: Hey how are you doing?

Me: Fantastic. You?

5 hours later…

Him: I’m great.

5 days later…

Him: Hey how was your weekend?

At this point I’m kind of over it. So I don’t respond.

one week later…

Him: Hey how are you doing.

I decide to give this conversation one last chance.

Me: I’m doing well. What about you?

Him: I’m good. I sprained my ankle running but I’m good.

Me: oh that sucks, I’m sorry to hear that

Him: It’s ok..what are you up to today?

Me: I’m working right now. I have a few things to take care of after work, then just heading home. What about you?

still nothing…

I’m done. If we can’t even get past “how are you” on Tinder, how are we going to have a conversation over a drink or a meal?

Next.

Dick Pics

I found this Gem on Huffington Post today, and it’s definitely worth 3:46 minutes of your time. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when a man asks me to ‘send them a pic,’ especially when I just met them. I don’t send pictures of myself via text,or over internet in general, and this is why.

Just as bad as being asked for pictures…is getting unsolicited photos sent to me. Luckily, I’ve never gotten and ‘dick pics’ sent to me, just random Selfies (side note: Selfies are very rarely a good look for a man. Like almost never), but I think I’m in the minority. Most women I know have received at least one dick pic, and I can’t help but wonder what the hell is going through these men’s minds when they send it.

Do they think we find it sexy? (in all fairness – I’m sure some women do)

Do they think that if they send us theirs, we’ll send them ours? (doubtful, but I guess it’s worth a shot)

Do they think that their dick is so beautiful and magnificent that it needs to be shared with the world, one stranger at a time? (it’s probably not)

While I can’t get into a man’s mind to find out what they are thinking as they snap, attach, and send these dick pics – this video is pretty spot on in covering all the things that go through a woman’s mind when she receives them. 

You can find the full Huffington Post article here.

 

Ocho

I woke up the day after my 3 hour phone date giddy and sleep deprived. I had errands and homework to get done before meeting up with ‘the singer’ (that’s what we’ll call him for now), so I had to get moving. I multitasked like never before, and I was able to get everything done, pick out an outfit, and make it to our meet up spot 5 minutes early.

If you know me, you know this is no easy feat. 

Unfortunately, he was late. But he did text me to let me know. And since I’m usually the one who is late, I couldn’t complain. I walked around the nearby Gap so I didn’t freeze outside and waiting for him to show up. After getting a text that he was 5 minutes away, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was so nervous! I was mindlessly browsing through a clothing rack when I looked up and saw him looking at me from across the store also walking behind a clothing rack. It really was a movie moment. 

We walked to the restaurant together and after dinner we went to a bar in Union Square. The conversation flowed from the moment we said hello until the end of the night. The only thing that bothered me a bit was that he was on his phone a little bit too much for my liking. He apologized and said that since he owned his own business, he was always working and just had to respond to a couple of client emails quickly. Other than that he was a total gentlemen, he paid for everything, he held doors for me, we had great conversation, attraction…it was probably one of the best dates I’d had in a long time.

#7…for real this time

Over the past week and a half, I have gone on dates 7- 10. I also started my Master’s Program during that time, which is why I haven’t had time to sleep, let alone update my blog. My apologies….let me get you up to speed!

Date 7 wasn’t your typical date. It was actually a phone conversation…that lasted 3 hours.

No that wasn’t a typo.

3 hours….on the phone…with a guy….

I can’t remember the last time I was on the phone for 3 hours with someone! And not one moment was dull. No awkward silences, long pauses, or weird transitions into another topic. Just an easy conversation with someone I’d just met, that flowed as if we’d known each other for years.

Among other things, I found out that:

He’s 33

He’s not a fan of ‘dating’…he’s more of a relationship guy.

He’s on the same page as me when it comes to religion (it’s just not for him).

He’s a singer/songwriter who is signed to a label and has a few albums out and is trying to make a bigger name for himself (kind of a red flag in my opinion, but I’ll let that slide for now)

He owns his own financial consulting business

I’m not going to list everything we talked about…it was 3 hours after all. But we did make plans to meet up the next evening for dinner / drinks…

Dear OK Cupid….you suck.

I’m seriously considering deleting my OK Cupid account, once again. The guys on there are complete LAMES! They are either too young, too old…or WAY too creepy.

I have been messaging a bit with a guy over the past few days that I thought was kind of cute. He was a little on the young side for me (25) but he was pretty funny so I figured, what the hell.

The way he spoke came across very young…kind of ‘surfer boy’ ish. But again, I ignored it. I figured, at the very least, maybe we’d end up going on a fun date.

He noticed that my profile mentioned I was a producer and asked what I produced. When I told him what network I worked for and asked him what he does for a living, his response was:

Swaggggg. I love (insert network I work for here).

Then he went on to say that he was an accountant and is now studying for the CPA exam to get certified, which is ‘hella’ stressful. And that he mostly spends his time studying and (these are his exact words) “an occasional waiter shift to earn some weed money”

I can’t.

If this is any indication of what my dating life will be like in 2014…I’m going to be 40 before I get to my 30 date.

#7…nope, nevermind

I decided to sign back up for OKCupid. I figured, at the very least, I’d get some funny message stories to share. And if I happened to get a few more dates out of it, then that’s cool too.

After a few days, I met a guy on there that I was somewhat interested in. We messaged back and forth for a couple of days and he seemed like a cool guy. We exchanged numbers and texted back and forth for a little while before he suggested we meet up for a drink. He asked to meet up for drinks after work that Friday, but I already had plans, so we settled on Sunday instead. We lived in different areas of Brooklyn, but still fairly close to each other so we decided to find a place to meet in the middle.

Then I texted him the next day, and no response.

And I haven’t heard from him since.

Yep…seriously.

I don’t get it. A (kind of) similar situation happened to my friend this weekend as well. She had a date planned with a guy on Sunday as well – a second chance date at that, considering on their first try at meeting up he had to cancel at the last-minute to pick a friend up from the hospital. They had a day and time set, just not the place yet. Ok, no big deal…except that he didn’t even reach out to her about the date until 20 minutes before they were supposed to meet. And she had reached out to him earlier that day with no response.

Seriously, though…what the f*@% is wrong with guys these days? Is it too much to ask to have someone make a plan and stick to it?

Lingo, Language, Linguistics

I just read a really good article in the NY Times called The End of Courtship?

The article begins with a story of a woman, Shani Silver, who was asked out on a ‘date’ with a man she met online. When said date night rolled around, she didn’t hear from the guy until 10:30 via a text message that read “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever? Here with a bunch of friends from college.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, because a similar situation just happened to a close friend of mine. She met a man via Tinder, and he asked her if she wanted to ‘hang out’ that weekend. When she finally heard from him regarding their hang out, he invited her out later that night with a group of his friends.

The suggestion blew both of our minds. I understand the whole idea of meeting in a public place when you first meet someone. Specially someone you meet online. But to ask a woman to come meet you and a group of your friends at a bar for your first date is a little strange. Or maybe it was that he wanted to meet her first before taking her out on a date? If that was the case…A. Be clear. Don’t make it seem like you want to go out on a date and then ask her to hang out with you and your friends. And B. why would you think it’s a good idea to hang out with a woman you’ve never met at a bar with all of your friends? How much are you going to get to know someone with all your friends there.  Talk about awkward.

While I’ve never been asked to hang out with a guy and a bunch of his buddies for our first hang out, I did go on a date with a guy recently, only to be informed a quarter of the way through that it wasn’t actually a date that we were on. We were, apparently, just ‘hanging out.’

Another time I was catching up with a guy friend of mine who asked if I was dating anyone.

Sure, I’ve been dating  a few people.

A few people?

Well yeah. You know…going on dates. I’m not seeing any one person or going on numerous dates with any one person right now, but I’m dating.

So you’ve been meeting people.

Yeah, sure. Meeting people…dating people…same thing.

Well meeting people sounds less slutty.

?????

I never said I was sleeping with them, I said dating. As in going on dates.

The terminology is so confusing!

Dating can mean anything from actively going on dates with various people, to going on numerous dates with one person, to consistently hanging out with one person.

Hanging out can mean anything from dating to hooking up. And hooking up can mean anything from kissing to sex (and everything in between).

It’s a completely different language. Unfortunately, there’s no Rosetta Stone for the current dating culture. Not even a Dating Dictionary for Dummies. So if you’re single in your 20’s or 30’s (or any age, really) you’re forced to constantly decode messages and conversations – often times without the help of voice inflection and tone because 90% of the time, ‘conversations’ are all done via text message.

#6

Date #6 was with the same guy from #3 (met up after work, paid for my cab ride home, super sweet) and #4 (helped him pick out a costume, incredibly clingy, tried to make out on the street).

To be honest, I wasn’t so sure I was interested anymore after the second date. He was kind of annoying, and we just didn’t click. But he seemed like a really nice guy, so I figured I’d give it one more try. At the very least, I thought maybe we could have a ‘beneficial friendship’ type arrangement.

Hey, don’t judge.  A girl’s got needs too, you know.

So I invited him over to watch a movie and order some take out…

I’m pretty confident that that was the last night I’ll ever see him.

It’s just not going to work. I tried, I really did. But you really shouldn’t have to try so hard within the first few dates. That is supposed to be the start of the honey moon stage of a relationship. Where you think everything they say is cute and funny. And you think their quirks are adorable, not something you try to look past. That should come way later in the relationship.

So I threw in the towel. There’s just no emotional connection at all. And physically there’s nothing there (in more ways than one).

Oh well…6 down, 24 more to go…