I decided to go back on Tinder…
Dun Dun Duuuun.
I decided to go back on Tinder…
Dun Dun Duuuun.
I found this Gem on Huffington Post today, and it’s definitely worth 3:46 minutes of your time.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a man asks me to ‘send them a pic,’ especially when I just met them. I don’t send pictures of myself via text,or over internet in general, and this is why.
Just as bad as being asked for pictures…is getting unsolicited photos sent to me. Luckily, I’ve never gotten and ‘dick pics’ sent to me, just random Selfies (side note: Selfies are very rarely a good look for a man. Like almost never), but I think I’m in the minority. Most women I know have received at least one dick pic, and I can’t help but wonder what the hell is going through these men’s minds when they send it.
Do they think we find it sexy? (in all fairness – I’m sure some women do)
Do they think that if they send us theirs, we’ll send them ours? (doubtful, but I guess it’s worth a shot)
Do they think that their dick is so beautiful and magnificent that it needs to be shared with the world, one stranger at a time? (it’s probably not)
While I can’t get into a man’s mind to find out what they are thinking as they snap, attach, and send these dick pics – this video is pretty spot on in covering all the things that go through a woman’s mind when she receives them.
You can find the full Huffington Post article here.
I had my first date with the guy I met the other, and it was pretty uneventful.
He’s a nice guy, but some thing just seemed kind of…off.
First, he definitely didn’t seem like a 37 year old man. He came across very immature and it was very hard for him to be serious. And his way of flirting was similar to that of a 12 year old boy, except instead of pulling my hair he was poking fun of me or starting little arguments.
The one thing that stuck out the most about the night was when he told me that he doesn’t trust White people. Considering the fact that I’m half White (a fact that he knew) and that all my family gatherings are filled with a lot of amazing, hilarious, loving, welcoming, trustworthy (white) people, I felt a little uncomfortable with the statement.
Ok VERY uncomfortable with the statement.
I don’t know what his past experiences have been like to have him feel that way, and he has the right to his opinions and feelings… but that’s definitely not a comment you should make on a first date…
I’m not one to keep my mouth shut, so we had a discussion about it. Lets just say it didn’t go so well, and I decided that it would be best if we just changed the subject.
The night continued as it had started…him being slightly awkward, starting little arguments, etc etc, until I finally grew tired of it. Literally. I was actually yawning.
So he walked me to the train, gave me a hug goodbye, and we said we’d be in touch.
To be honest, I’d be totally fine if I never saw him again.
I met a Man this weekend who seems really nice and, dare I say…normal. He’s 37, he has a job, and he doesn’t have any children.
Naturally, I’m skeptical. And I had the thought (numerous thoughts, numerous times over the past few days, actually) to Google him. But so far, I haven’t, and here’s why.
I think that Googling a person can ruin things before they even start.
There are usually two reasons why you Google someone.
Both are totally understandable, and I have Googled people for either one or both of those reasons before. But I don’t think it’s a good habit to get into, and it’s one that I’m trying to break.
First, if you’re digging for some dirt, you’re already distrusting them. Unless the person has done something shady to give you a reason to question them (like this, or this), you have no reason to search for dirt. Especially if you haven’t even been on a real date with the person yet. If you are that distrusting of them before you’ve even dated them, you probably shouldn’t have given them your number in the first place.
If you’re just being nosey and seeing what information you can find, you’re taking away from the fun of the date. Isn’t that the point of going out with someone? To get to know them? If you find out all or most of the information on your own, you then have to sit through an evening of information you already know but have to pretend NOT to know so you don’t look like a stalker.
I think it can be more work than it’s worth.
I never made it to 30 dates.
I got 1/3 of the way there, which counts for something I guess.
I did meet a guy at a Fourth of July party this past weekend who seemed really nice. We exchanged numbers but I have yet to hear from him.
I did, however, just receive a Facebook friend request from him.
I want to first say that I’m keeping an open mind, and this in no way means that he’s out of the running.
So to all of my friends/family who are reading this and already drafting a text or email chastising me for being too picky – hear me out before you get all judgey.
The fact that he went out of his way to find me on Facebook and has yet to (at the very least) text me, makes me feel a certain way. He asked me at least three times if he could call me/take me out or some variation of that, but instead of actually using my number he took the time to search through friends of friends to find me on Facebook.
It takes a while…trust me – I looked for his profile as well. I couldn’t remember exactly what he looked like so I went searching for pictures. But I didn’t friend request him. I also wasn’t the one who made such a big deal about calling and hanging out.
I guess it just speaks to the state of communication these days. You have my phone number…the most direct way to contact me. I’m willing to bet half of my ‘friends’ on Facebook don’t even have my phone number. Instead of using that number (that you nervously went out of your way to get) to develop a real life connection or friendship, you’d rather be my virtual friend.
Again, I get that it’s not THAT big of a deal. And he might actually give me a call or text tomorrow.
Now I’m stuck with a pending friend request taunting my home page. A tiny little red 1 waiting to be answered…the thing is, we’re not friends right now. I don’t need him to have access to all my photos and status updates. He doesn’t need to know where I am or who I’m with if someone happens to tag me somewhere. I don’t even know the guy, and if we end up not being friends in real life, it’s so much easier to just not reach out to someone than it is to de-friend them. The latter takes so much effort and holds much more weight than simply ignoring a person’s calls.
I woke up the day after my 3 hour phone date giddy and sleep deprived. I had errands and homework to get done before meeting up with ‘the singer’ (that’s what we’ll call him for now), so I had to get moving. I multitasked like never before, and I was able to get everything done, pick out an outfit, and make it to our meet up spot 5 minutes early.
If you know me, you know this is no easy feat.
Unfortunately, he was late. But he did text me to let me know. And since I’m usually the one who is late, I couldn’t complain. I walked around the nearby Gap so I didn’t freeze outside and waiting for him to show up. After getting a text that he was 5 minutes away, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was so nervous! I was mindlessly browsing through a clothing rack when I looked up and saw him looking at me from across the store also walking behind a clothing rack. It really was a movie moment.
We walked to the restaurant together and after dinner we went to a bar in Union Square. The conversation flowed from the moment we said hello until the end of the night. The only thing that bothered me a bit was that he was on his phone a little bit too much for my liking. He apologized and said that since he owned his own business, he was always working and just had to respond to a couple of client emails quickly. Other than that he was a total gentlemen, he paid for everything, he held doors for me, we had great conversation, attraction…it was probably one of the best dates I’d had in a long time.
Over the past week and a half, I have gone on dates 7- 10. I also started my Master’s Program during that time, which is why I haven’t had time to sleep, let alone update my blog. My apologies….let me get you up to speed!
Date 7 wasn’t your typical date. It was actually a phone conversation…that lasted 3 hours.
No that wasn’t a typo.
3 hours….on the phone…with a guy….
I can’t remember the last time I was on the phone for 3 hours with someone! And not one moment was dull. No awkward silences, long pauses, or weird transitions into another topic. Just an easy conversation with someone I’d just met, that flowed as if we’d known each other for years.
Among other things, I found out that:
He’s not a fan of ‘dating’…he’s more of a relationship guy.
He’s on the same page as me when it comes to religion (it’s just not for him).
He’s a singer/songwriter who is signed to a label and has a few albums out and is trying to make a bigger name for himself (kind of a red flag in my opinion, but I’ll let that slide for now)
He owns his own financial consulting business
I’m not going to list everything we talked about…it was 3 hours after all. But we did make plans to meet up the next evening for dinner / drinks…
I decided to sign back up for OKCupid. I figured, at the very least, I’d get some funny message stories to share. And if I happened to get a few more dates out of it, then that’s cool too.
After a few days, I met a guy on there that I was somewhat interested in. We messaged back and forth for a couple of days and he seemed like a cool guy. We exchanged numbers and texted back and forth for a little while before he suggested we meet up for a drink. He asked to meet up for drinks after work that Friday, but I already had plans, so we settled on Sunday instead. We lived in different areas of Brooklyn, but still fairly close to each other so we decided to find a place to meet in the middle.
Then I texted him the next day, and no response.
And I haven’t heard from him since.
I don’t get it. A (kind of) similar situation happened to my friend this weekend as well. She had a date planned with a guy on Sunday as well – a second chance date at that, considering on their first try at meeting up he had to cancel at the last-minute to pick a friend up from the hospital. They had a day and time set, just not the place yet. Ok, no big deal…except that he didn’t even reach out to her about the date until 20 minutes before they were supposed to meet. And she had reached out to him earlier that day with no response.
Seriously, though…what the f*@% is wrong with guys these days? Is it too much to ask to have someone make a plan and stick to it?
Date #6 was with the same guy from #3 (met up after work, paid for my cab ride home, super sweet) and #4 (helped him pick out a costume, incredibly clingy, tried to make out on the street).
To be honest, I wasn’t so sure I was interested anymore after the second date. He was kind of annoying, and we just didn’t click. But he seemed like a really nice guy, so I figured I’d give it one more try. At the very least, I thought maybe we could have a ‘beneficial friendship’ type arrangement.
Hey, don’t judge. A girl’s got needs too, you know.
So I invited him over to watch a movie and order some take out…
I’m pretty confident that that was the last night I’ll ever see him.
It’s just not going to work. I tried, I really did. But you really shouldn’t have to try so hard within the first few dates. That is supposed to be the start of the honey moon stage of a relationship. Where you think everything they say is cute and funny. And you think their quirks are adorable, not something you try to look past. That should come way later in the relationship.
So I threw in the towel. There’s just no emotional connection at all. And physically there’s nothing there (in more ways than one).
Oh well…6 down, 24 more to go…
I met date #5 on you guessed it…Tinder.
It was hard to get a great idea of what he looked like, because he only had one picture of his full face. The rest were action shots that only showed part of his face….him playing pool or laughing on the floor, etc etc.
Usually, I turn those profiles down immediately. But I think the pressure to go on 30 dates with only 27 more weeks left had me a little less ‘picky.’
We talked a little bit before agreeing to meet up after work one night. Again – I typically like to message back and forth a little longer before I meet up with someone. Mainly because if I can’t hold a conversation with you via messages, there’s no way we’d have a good conversation in person.
But again – I went against my norm…
Besides the fact that he looked NOTHING like his picture…there was nothing really ‘wrong’ with this guy. He wasn’t crazy, or mean, or obnoxious. He didn’t call me fat or try to lift me…
He was just….boring. Incredibly, painfully, boring.
I lasted a little over an hour before I had to get out of there. I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual because I haven’t heard from him since, and that was over a week ago.
From now on I’m sticking with my original “rules”….if the guy only has ONE clear picture – decline. And do not agree to meet up and potentially waste your time until you’ve had a decent back and forth with him.
living large on little cash
Getting Right Information About Internet Relationship Websites
A blog about love or lack thereof
Events for Black Professionals
Bed-Stuy's Sweetest Spot
Advice for writers, stories about the world they live in.
Writing that's straight up with a twist
Helping you attract the love you desire!
Hollywood marketer by day, design blogger by night.
29: the second anniversary
my life, mostly every monday
Oh the stories I can tell you, dating, divorce..life in general, my life is drama - actually its a comedy.
Everything you need to know about...
Confessions & Reflections of a Regular Guy trying to Break the Cycle
a Toronto-based sexuality blog by Caitlin K. Roberts
I'm Still Hot, It Just Comes in Flashes!
Embracing a life of perpetual new beginnings...