I just read a really good article in the NY Times called The End of Courtship?
The article begins with a story of a woman, Shani Silver, who was asked out on a ‘date’ with a man she met online. When said date night rolled around, she didn’t hear from the guy until 10:30 via a text message that read “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever? Here with a bunch of friends from college.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, because a similar situation just happened to a close friend of mine. She met a man via Tinder, and he asked her if she wanted to ‘hang out’ that weekend. When she finally heard from him regarding their hang out, he invited her out later that night with a group of his friends.
The suggestion blew both of our minds. I understand the whole idea of meeting in a public place when you first meet someone. Specially someone you meet online. But to ask a woman to come meet you and a group of your friends at a bar for your first date is a little strange. Or maybe it was that he wanted to meet her first before taking her out on a date? If that was the case…A. Be clear. Don’t make it seem like you want to go out on a date and then ask her to hang out with you and your friends. And B. why would you think it’s a good idea to hang out with a woman you’ve never met at a bar with all of your friends? How much are you going to get to know someone with all your friends there. Talk about awkward.
While I’ve never been asked to hang out with a guy and a bunch of his buddies for our first hang out, I did go on a date with a guy recently, only to be informed a quarter of the way through that it wasn’t actually a date that we were on. We were, apparently, just ‘hanging out.’
Another time I was catching up with a guy friend of mine who asked if I was dating anyone.
Sure, I’ve been dating a few people.
A few people?
Well yeah. You know…going on dates. I’m not seeing any one person or going on numerous dates with any one person right now, but I’m dating.
So you’ve been meeting people.
Yeah, sure. Meeting people…dating people…same thing.
Well meeting people sounds less slutty.
I never said I was sleeping with them, I said dating. As in going on dates.
The terminology is so confusing!
Dating can mean anything from actively going on dates with various people, to going on numerous dates with one person, to consistently hanging out with one person.
Hanging out can mean anything from dating to hooking up. And hooking up can mean anything from kissing to sex (and everything in between).
It’s a completely different language. Unfortunately, there’s no Rosetta Stone for the current dating culture. Not even a Dating Dictionary for Dummies. So if you’re single in your 20’s or 30’s (or any age, really) you’re forced to constantly decode messages and conversations – often times without the help of voice inflection and tone because 90% of the time, ‘conversations’ are all done via text message.