Why are you single

I was reading Huffington Post today and came across this gem

This woman is so spot on!

I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I have had discussions about how incredibly annoying it is when people ask us “why are you still single” – or any variation of that question.

You’re so funny/pretty/smart/successful/etc…I don’t understand how you are still single. 

And it’s usually said with such sympathy. As if being single is like having some terrible disease that we just don’t deserve to be plagued with.

It’s equally as annoying when a guy who’s trying to hit on you says it.

I know you must have a man or a husband, because you are too fine to be single

Or even better (and yes this has been said)…

You’re pretty, smart, you have a job, and you don’t have any kids…but you’re single. What’s wrong with you?

Are.You.Kidding.Me

First of all, and I know I’ve said this before in a previous post, but it’s worth repeating.

NOTHING is wrong with me.

Second, I’m assuming that you are single as well if you’re trying to spit game to me. So are you saying that you AREN’T single? Or is it that you aren’t as good looking/successful/smart as you think I am, therefore it’s no shocker that you’re single?

Either way, no thank you.
My best friend and I decided that we were going to start responding to that question by saying:

You know, I’m not sure what the problem is. It’s so crazy. All of my dates go really well until I take the guy home and show him how I’ve decorated my future baby’s room. 

Or

Everything goes really well until I take him home and show him the wedding dress I’ve already purchased for our future wedding.

I tried it the last line with one guy and he almost shit himself. I’ve never seen a man want to run away from me so badly in my life.

It was amazing.

So let this be a warning…the next time someone tells me I’m too (fill in the blank) to be single

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#6

Date #6 was with the same guy from #3 (met up after work, paid for my cab ride home, super sweet) and #4 (helped him pick out a costume, incredibly clingy, tried to make out on the street).

To be honest, I wasn’t so sure I was interested anymore after the second date. He was kind of annoying, and we just didn’t click. But he seemed like a really nice guy, so I figured I’d give it one more try. At the very least, I thought maybe we could have a ‘beneficial friendship’ type arrangement.

Hey, don’t judge.  A girl’s got needs too, you know.

So I invited him over to watch a movie and order some take out…

I’m pretty confident that that was the last night I’ll ever see him.

It’s just not going to work. I tried, I really did. But you really shouldn’t have to try so hard within the first few dates. That is supposed to be the start of the honey moon stage of a relationship. Where you think everything they say is cute and funny. And you think their quirks are adorable, not something you try to look past. That should come way later in the relationship.

So I threw in the towel. There’s just no emotional connection at all. And physically there’s nothing there (in more ways than one).

Oh well…6 down, 24 more to go…

#5

I met date #5 on you guessed it…Tinder.

It was hard to get a great idea of what he looked like, because he only had one picture of his full face. The rest were action shots that only showed part of his face….him playing pool or laughing on the floor, etc etc.

Usually, I turn those profiles down immediately. But I think the pressure to go on 30 dates with only 27 more weeks left had me a little less ‘picky.’

We talked a little bit before agreeing to meet up after work one night. Again – I typically like to message back and forth a little longer before I meet up with someone. Mainly because if I can’t hold a conversation with you via messages, there’s no way we’d have a good conversation in person.

But again – I went against my norm…

Bad idea.

Besides the fact that he looked NOTHING like his picture…there was nothing really ‘wrong’ with this guy. He wasn’t crazy, or mean, or obnoxious. He didn’t call me fat or try to lift me…

He was just….boring. Incredibly, painfully, boring.

And when he spoke, he reminded me of Dave Chappelle when he plays a white guy. Here is an example in case you’ve never seen it. Skip to around :20 in…

I lasted a little over an hour before I had to get out of there. I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual because I haven’t heard from him since, and that was over a week ago.

From now on I’m sticking with my original “rules”….if the guy only has ONE clear picture – decline. And do not agree to meet up and potentially waste your time until you’ve had a decent back and forth with him.

Lesson learned.

#4

I met up with the guy from date #3 the day after our first date, so I could help him put together an amazing Sho’Nuff costume for Halloween. I’m going to consider this my date #4.

We met up at a shopping center near me, and spent hours looking for pieces to make up the costume, and then afterwards I we spent another hour or so cutting, glueing, and putting the costume together.

The day went relatively well – no glaring warning signs or absurd comments that usually go on with my dates. But there are a couple of things that I noticed and will be keeping an eye on:

1. He’s very very touchy. Like always wanting to hold my hand, and hug on me, and kiss me while we’re waiting to cross the street. I’m not a big fan of that. Especially since I had JUST met him the night before…

Too soon

2. He seems like a bit of a partier. In fact, the party we were getting the costume together for was a day party, that would go all night. Honestly, I can’t hang like that anymore…but to each his own. The only thing that really bothered me about the partying aspect was when he used the phrase “turnt up” when referring to the party. (yes turnT, not turned). For those of you who don’t know what the phrase means, here are a few definitions from the urban dictionary:

The act of going crazy at a party;Wanting go to a party for an awesome time!
Lily:That part was so sick last night! 
Julia:Yeah we were so turnt up! Lol
to get drunk or to get excited about something.
let’s go get a bottle and get turn’t up tonight…
drunk, wasted or otherwise impaired
I never go to Denny’s past 2am unless I am turnt up
You get the picture.
Anyway, I hate that phrase. But I wasn’t sure if he was using the phrase, himself, OR if that was the name of the party. So I asked for clarification and he said “You don’t know what turnt up means? You’ve never heard of that phrase before?
Oh, no, I know what it means. I’m just trying to figure out if that’s the name of the party or if you’re actually using that phrase in a conversation right now.
He laughed and said “No, it’s not the name of the party, that’s just what happens at the bar where the party is being thrown.”
Ooh I see….I don’t turn up.
He laughed and said “oh no, you don’t turn up?”
“Nope. I turn way down”
We both laughed a little and moved on.
Again, no major red flags. But I can’t say that I was sad when our day was over. We’ll see what happens.
OH…and his costume came out amazing by the way.