What NOT to say to a single person

I find it incredibly annoying when people give me [unsolicited] dating advice. It’s even more annoying when these people who give me this [unsolicited] dating advice are married – and have been for many, many years. 

Usually this [unsolicited] advice, is not really advice. It’s just their opinions. And 9 times out of 10 it’s their opinions about what I’m doing ‘wrong.’

You know how the worst thing you can do to a person who’s really upset is to tell them to ‘calm down’? (seriously don’t EVER do that. Ever. Unless you want to have your head bitten clear off your body).

Well there are a few things that you should NEVER say to a single person. Ever.


1. I don’t get it. You’re so pretty/funny/smart/etc. How are you still single? You must be doing something wrong/What’s wrong with you?

Really? Really.

The first part is a valid question, I suppose. And it’s definitely one that I know I’ve asked myself before, so you get zero points for originality. But that last part is just unnecessary. I’ve been single for 7 years. Do you honestly think I haven’t asked myself that question before? That I haven’t mulled over the question “what is wrong with me?” That my single friends and I haven’t sat around guzzling drinking red wine, crying “what is wroooong with uuusss???” 

Wait. What?

Anyway, I’ve judged myself enough, thankyouverymuch, so you can take that finger that you’re pointing at me and shove it.

And the answer, by the way, is nothing. I’m not doing anything wrong. I just haven’t met the right person yet.


2. You’re too picky. 

There is a big difference between being ‘picky’ and choosing not to settle. I think I fit into the latter category. It’s not like I turn guys down for reasons like “oh his one eye is slightly larger than the other” or “he blinks funny.” It’s usually more like “He was looking at other women for half of our date” or “he’s a complete douche” or “I’m not attracted to him.”

And if I’m not attracted to them, that’s not being ‘too picky.’ Would you want to kiss, and maybe eventually have sex with, someone you aren’t attracted to? I doubt it.

I refuse to settle.

Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies

-Carrie Bradshaw


3. Maybe you should lower your standards.

I can’t even entertain that.

I. can’t. 

Please see #2.


Here’s the thing. Being single isn’t some awful condition that us single folks need help with.

Yeah, sometimes being single sucks. Mainly, when married or non-single people want to make us into their pet projects. And weddings. And maybe the wintertime. 

But I can at least speak for myself when I say that I’m not desperate to get into a relationship. And that’s not me playing the tough, “I don’t need a man to complete me” woman role. I mean, yes, it’s true that I don’t NEED a man. I’m making my own money, paying my own bills, and loving my life as is.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t WANT a man to share my life with. But only if it’s the right man. Because, honestly, I’m kind of amazing. My friends are kind of amazing. My family is kind of amazing…my life in general is pretty damn amazing. So it’s only natural that I want the man I one day find myself in a relationship with, to be amazing as well. 


8 thoughts on “What NOT to say to a single person

  1. So gosh darn annoying. How about “When you stop trying it will happen.” I also hated the, “Why are you still single” question. I finally started saying “wait for it” or “you will see” Just makes you feel like a total loser to hear that. Here’s to wishing you find that amazing man soon!

    • Thanks!

      Yeah, my friends and I once joked about the whole “why are you still single” question before. We decided the next time someone asked us that, we would tell them some story to make us look completely crazy. I told one guy: “you know, I’m not sure…my dates always go so well until I take a guy home and show him the room I have set up for my future baby…Then I never hear from them again, I don’t get it.”

      He looked terrified. It was hilarious.

  2. So much awesome in this post, especially #2. I tried to tell the truth to a guy – we had NO chemistry. His response? And I quote, “I think you might always be disappointed that way….I’m not all beat up about it. It is what it is.” If you weren’t “beat up” then why did you respond that way? I love your Carrie Bradshaw post – I’ve had the butterflies, I know they’re real, and I will not settle for anything less. Love this!

  3. Pingback: Why are you single | Chronicles of the Romantically Challenged

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