no (response) means no

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone (who’s tried online dating) at least once. You take the time (or build up the courage) to initiate contact with someone you find interesting, only to have them completely ignore you. You know they’ve read it, and they showed up on the list of people who’ve recently viewed your profile – so the only logical explanation is that, for whatever reason, they just aren’t interested.

And that’s ok. I have no issue with someone ignoring my message if they aren’t interested. I get the hint and move on. No big deal.

Sure, they could respond and say “sorry, not interested,” but in the world of online dating – not responding is a nicer way of saying just that (in my opinion).

No response = no thank you.

What’s NOT ok is when you continue to message that person for days, weeks, or months hoping that they’ll eventually break down and respond. It’s annoying. And a little crazy.

For example:

Sep 22, 2012 – 12:01pm
luv the hair and the smile so how is your weekend?
Oct 13, 2012 – 8:20am
i luv those eyes and smile so can u please bring both of them out when we do dinner;)) how is your weekend luv? name is (xxxxx) and i would really like to get to know u. im not on here much so if u want u can call me.
 
Nov 5, 2012 – 8:47pm
sista cleo told me that u would be that woman for me…just before she went out of business …lol so i got an extra closet for your shoes ready so u can move in the house in boston;)) hope sandy didnt make u suffer much~get @ me luv…not on here much but if u will use it u can have my cell to call or text. xxx-xxx-xxxx – (name)
 
Ok crazy.
 
Of course, the first thing I thought was “Boston?! Are you crazy?! Did you not see the Yankee’s hat in one of my pics?!
 
Then there is this:
Sep 23, 2012 – 12:21pm
Wow I am so in love with you right now by far ! lol ! I’m Trey will you take my hand love !
Sep 23, 2012 – 8:39pm
You can say Hello to me !!
Sep 23, 2012 – 8:40pm
Well I will say hello to you 1st !
Oct 24, 2012 – 12:21am
How are you doing tonite ?
Nov 3, 2012 – 9:19pm
It’s not a crime to say Hi to me love at least not in NYC ! lol !!!
Nov 10, 2012 – 8:49pm
Call me xxx-xxx-xxxx Tr**
Dec 18, 2012 – 11:50am
Serious when are going to let me take you to dinner!
Finally I had to break down and explain to him that I wasn’t interested. And, yes, I could have done that sooner. But honestly, after the first couple of messages, you’d think it would be pretty obvious.
 
And…
Sep 30, 2012 – 9:58pm
Hi I read your profile and you seem like my kind of girl I like to get to know you
Sep 30, 2012 – 11:14pm
Hi How are you? 
Oct 10, 2012 – 9:19pm
Hi you beautiful and would like to know you more.
 
Oct 11, 2012 –11:35pm
Hi How are you. 
Oct 19, 2012 – 3:38pm
hi how are you so whats your name.
Nov 3, 2012 – 10:14pm
Hi how are you.
 
This also happens to be the guy that is going to get his master’s in ‘being a doctor.’
 
 
Then there are the times that I HAVE broken it down…and they still don’t get it
 
Oct 27, 2012 – 3:50am
Beautiful lady with a pretty smile! I truly like the energy and happiness on your face 😉 How are u?
Nov 3, 2012 – 9:27pm
Hello! How are u? The beauty I see on your profile feels so good. I probably emailed u before but I think I like your profile enough to try again 🙂 Do u mind being in touch?
Nov 5, 2012 – 1:22am
How is the beauty doing?. Over the pass few weeks I came across your profile several times and each time I got the “wow” moment. The reason why I’m here clearly is to make connection with someone I strongly feel I can connect with, like, love, build a relationship . I guess it starts from these simple contact emails. I want to know more about u, hear how ur day is going, share good conversations etc.. I’m still hoping to hear from you… Will it happen? Until then have a wonderful day 🙂
Nov 7, 2012 – 10:46pm
Hello! I like the good feeling coming from your profile. You look amazingly beautiful! It would be awesome to get to know a pretty lady like you. How are u liking it here?
 
Nov 7, 2012 – 10:54pm
ME: Hi, I’m very sorry but I’m just not interested.
 
You’d think it would end there, but no. Instead of messaging me, he decides to IM me.
December 26, 2012 – 11:36:06pm: Hello!
December 26, 2012 – 11:38:51pm: How are u?
 
ME:
December 26, 2012 – 11:40:10pm: I’m sorry, I’m really not interested as I’ve said before. Please stop messaging me.
 
HIM:
December 26, 2012 – 11:40:37pm: Sorry don’t remember. ok
How do you NOT remember someone telling you they aren’t interested?
 
Then, as I was showing my friends the incessant messages over a bottle of wine, I accidentally clicked on his profile.
 
Shit.
 
A few minutes later, he sends me a message:
Liking anything about my profile?
 
Uuugh! Then a few days later:
I keep bumping into ur profile. Good luck or bad luck? 🙂 
 
And one guy passes on the traditional messaging, and goes right to IMing me. The creepy thing is that he just so happens to IM me within seconds of me signing on.
October 14, 2012
11:49:25pm: (my screen name)
11:49:26pm: supppp
11:49:47pm: how goes it tonight
11:54:23pm: nada?
October 15, 2012
8:14:00pm: hello robo (my screen name)
November 25, 2012
11:30:57pm: (my screen name) how goes it?
December 2, 2012
9:26:14pm: boo
 
 The fact that he looked like a serial killer didn’t help.
 
I have since figured out how to turn off the IM option on my account.
 
 
 
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2 thoughts on “no (response) means no

  1. This is too funny, whether its face to face or through a computer people just dont handle rejection well and sometimes make you feel like you are the crazy one for rejecting them. I once cut a guy off seconds before he asked me out, meanwhile i clearly wasnt interested because i was answering with one liners, n e way his response to my “im sorry im just not interested” was… “really? wow, thats never happened to me before”…… my response, “well theres always a first time” his mouth dropped and all he said was “wow, are u really not interested in me??? thats just never happened to me before”, i said yup “Im just not” sorry……..
    lol and of course he was not a looker lol 😉

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