ain’t nobody got time for that

image courtesy of bing image search

image courtesy of bing image search

So, apparently the guy from my same ol’ same ol’ post thought he could trick me by changing his screen name (same picture though) and sending me a new message.

image courtesy of bing image search

image courtesy of bing image search


After his second attempt I told him, for the second time, that I wasn’t interested.

You’ve messaged me a couple of times and I said I wasn’t interested. But thanks.

He disabled his account and that was that.

Then, this morning I received a message from the same dude with a different screen name

Hi …my pants are on my hip , I have a career in Law Enforcement , I like to make people laugh as well … Lets see if we can make a connection … Ok?

No. Not Ok. Not Ok. NOT. OH. KAY.

For some reason, I feel like I’m in the drive-thru scene from Dude…Where’s My Car?…


So, I told him no – for the third time. A little more directly.

Listen – using a new screen name isn’t fooling me. This is now the third time I’m telling you I’m not interested. No means no dude, leave me alone.

His response?

Wow you actually counted ..I’m impressed .. 


I responded

Clearly, I’m not impressed.

Then blocked him.


same ol’ same ol’

Why is it, that even when you tell someone you aren’t interested – they keep messaging you? I never understood how this happens. They can’t even use the excuse that they didn’t realize they had messaged you before, because (at least on OK Cupid) it tells you when you last messaged that person.

Clear as day. Right on a person’s profile page, fairly close to the ‘message’ button.

February 23, 2013

Hi …lets get to know each other .is that ok ?

March 2, 2013

Hi …Lets get to know each other …is that ok ?

Yep, pretty much the same message. This time I decided to just respond and let him know I wasn’t interested.

Me: I’m sorry I’m not interested. But thanks for the message!

Him: No worries …Good luck on Cupid ..

I said thanks, and didn’t think much else of it. I figured that was that.

March 15, 2013

Hi ..I like ur music and movie list ..have some things in common ..Lets get to know each other is that ok ?

I just don’t get it.

when giving out your number goes wrong…again

It’s not very often that (what I consider) an attractive man asks me for my number on the street.

A kinda-decent-in-the-right-light looking guy – possibly.

A man you have absolutely zero interest or attraction to – most likely.

But a man who I’m actually attracted to? Hardly ever.

(and no, I’m not too picky – I can’t help who I am (and am not) attracted to. So save it)

Which is why, when I was on my way to the train and saw this fine piece of man walking towards me, I didn’t think anything of it and continued checking my email on my phone. When I looked up and noticed that he was staring at me, I thought maybe something was on my face. Then when he slowed down to say hello, I realized that he was showing interest in me.


So we had a (very) brief conversation on the sidewalk before exchanging numbers.

The next day he sent me a text at 4:30pm.

This is how our conversation went:

Him: Hey

Me: Hey

Him: What u doing

Me: Working. You?

Him: in the city.

Now, this stumped me a little. I wasn’t sure if he was asking me if I worked in the city, or telling me that he was in the city. So I asked for clarification…

Me: You’re in the city?

Him: Yea

Me: Oh, Ok.

15 minutes later…

Him: Good day?

Me: Yeah, so far. It was pretty slow, which was nice. You? Are you working in the city?

Him: Yea I finished

Me: Oh ok.

Him: What time you finish

I’m trying really hard not to judge his grammar considering it’s via text.

He asked a few more questions (what time I got out of work, if I lived with roommates, etc etc) before saying:

I wish I could of seen you tonight somehow

At this point, not only is his grammar irking me, but I also wanted to remind him that he never actually asked to see me. If that was his way of asking, he’s going to have to do better. Since I wouldn’t have been able to meet up even if he had asked, I let it slide.

Me: What’s your schedule typically like?

Him: Changes

Me: Oh Ok.

5 days later…

Him: What’s up

Me: Nothing much just working. You?

Him: What’s you doing after work

Me: Meeting up with a couple of old coworkers

Him: When imma see you

No. None of what was just typed was a typo on my part. And yes, he did actually say When imma see you

Imma? Really? Look, I wouldn’t say that I speak ‘proper’ English all the time. In fact, I’ve definitely said ‘imma’ before – I’m a fast talker and my words tend to run into each other. However, you’re typing. You have the option of fixing that shit before you hit send. Just sayin’…

Me: Whenever you actually try to make plans to see me.

Him: tonight lol after your coworkers

This is now the 2nd time that this guy has tried to ‘make plans’ with me on the same day – within hours from when he wants to meet up. I’m all for spontaneity, but it would be nice if he actually asked ahead of time to take me out.

Me: I won’t be done until late.

Him: tomorrow

Me: I have class tomorrow, but I get out at 8:30. I can either meet up for then for a bit, or I can do next Wednesday after work.

Him: Next Wednesday then.

Me: Ok, sounds good.

Him: send me a pic

UGH! One of my biggest turn offs/ pet peeves is when a guy that I barely know (or in his case, don’t know at all) asks me to text him a picture (this comes second to wearing sunglasses at night – which we’ll get to shortly). It just comes off sleazy to me.

Me: why did you forget what I looked like already?

Him: no, I just wanted one

Me: Oh ok. I’m not really a big fan of sending pics. Sorry.

At this point I really didn’t want to anything to do with this guy, but it had been so long since I’d been on a date, I felt that I owed it to myself to go. Of course, I asked my friends what they thought and got mixed responses. Some saying just go, what can it hurt and others saying don’t waste your time. So I decided to think on it over the weekend.

And of course, he made my decision for me.

Monday night at 11p I get a text from him

I’m driving around bored…what u doing

Wow…how sweet.

Me: eating dinner

Him: can I see you?

Again with the last-minute bullshit. And this time it’s damn near midnight.

Me: um wow…really? No.

Him: why not how cum

Yes, my friends. That is how he spelled ‘how come.’ Gross.

Me: it’s quite clear that all you want to do is have sex, which is fine, but you come off really sleazy so I’m really just turned off now.

Him: are you crazy?

Ah, yes. There it is. The ‘you’re crazy’ line. Why is it that men always assume a woman is either crazy or a lesbian if they aren’t interested in them? Me telling you that it seems like all you want is sex when you constantly contact me last-minute and then reach out at 11pm because ‘you’re bored’ when I don’t even know you does not make me crazy. You haven’t seen crazy, boo boo.

Him: I want to come get you and have a drink

Well, at least he spelled ‘come’ correctly.

Me: It’s 11:30 at night and I work tomorrow, for one. For two, this is now the 3rd time that you’ve reached out right before you’re trying to ‘hang out.’ You have not once reached out to actually speak to me. No, I’m not crazy, I’m just no longer interested.

I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night (shocker). I thought I wouldn’t hear from him at all, but then 2 days later…

I’m sorry…I really wanna get I know u

Again, not a typo on my part.

One month later…


2 Weeks after that…


*Note: I would typically be against posting identifying information about someone on my blog (names, pictures, screen names, etc), but since this dude decided it was a good idea to text a random woman his picture, my guess is that he wouldn’t mind

These are wrong on SO many levels, but let’s just state the obvious, shall we?

1. Self portrait…in the bathroom mirror…wearing sunglasses…inside…

I don’t think I need to go on, but just for shits and giggles…

2. I have not responded to his texts in over a month. Not one. And the last time that I did respond, it was to tell him that I thought he was sleazy and that I was turned off and no longer interested.

Yes, sir, sending me unsolicited pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror in a coca-cola shirt and sunglasses is a great idea! I have no idea why I would have gotten a sleazy vibe from you…

3. He sends me, not one, but THREE versions of said picture. Apparently, he couldn’t decide what pose was best – hat forward, hat backwards, or the ‘artistic’ side mirror angle.


A month and a half later I get another “Hi” text from him. Then the next day, I get a “Hey” text.

Now I’m starting to get annoyed. So I respond.

Me: I think you might have me confused with someone else. Please stop texting me.

Him: It’s (my name). I know exactly who you are. tub fronting.

I’m assuming that’s supposed to say STOP fronting. We all know by now that he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Either that, or his auto-correct hates him.

Me: Ok. Either way…please stop texting me. Thanks.

Him: smfh why

Me: I don’t even know you! You didn’t make a real attempt at all to get to know me before asking to come to my house and pick me up at almost midnight. I tell you I’m not interested and you keep texting me for months – one time to send me 3 pictures of yourself, taken BY yourself, in a bathroom mirror (wearing sunglasses indoors I might add)…

Him: I apologize for that. I’m trying to make better. I’m not that way.

Him: I don’t to be looked as that , lets restart and have a dinner date and talk , I can be a very gentleman.

Not that I should have to clarify this by now, but those are not typos on my part.

Me: No thank you.

Him: maybe I feel a little bad putting his picture online. Since his face isn't covered with glasses and a hat, I blocked it out to protect the not so innocent.

ok…so maybe I feel a little bad putting his picture online. Since his face isn’t covered with glasses and a hat, I blocked it out to protect the not so innocent.

Ugh..this guy.

Me: Seriously leave me alone. I don’t want pictures of you. I don’t want a million ‘hi’ texts. Just stop. You claim you’re a gentleman, so act like one and stop bothering me.

So far that seemed to work. I have not heard from him since, and that was 4 months ago, so I think I’m in the clear.


les miserables

The other day I came across the profile of a guy who seemed like a cool guy. He was good-looking, his profile was funny and a little sarcastic, which I liked. He mentioned something in his profile about not messaging him if you don’t like pineapple, which I thought was kind of funny, so I sent him a message that said something along the lines of: “there are people in the world who don’t like pineapple? What is wrong with them?!?” before saying hello and introducing myself (I can’t seem to find the actual message that I sent him for some reason).

This is his response:

Yeah I know rite so damn obnoxious..but okcupid is full of such fuckery ie:self hating Asians that Do not date other Asians ,Stuck up Midwestern hipsters .. Or travel snobs WTF ! Haha seriously they went rock climbing in Peru/ hangliding in India ,and there such an amazing person / Worldtraveller that they need to go to a site for a date?! Hahah yeah ok well now that my rant is over..and that being said “how you doin?!” haha oh Basil is a dude but he’s a big chicken shit scardy cat but I love him cause he’s so dang kool. So what’s your deal?

I was a little turned off by his message. First of all, he came off so angry! Second – the spelling / punctuation mistakes irked me slightly. And third – take it easy killer. I’m on this site looking for a date (as are you). I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t make me any less of an amazing person.

I didn’t respond right away because

A: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to respond to this guy after this message and

B: I got a little sidetracked with work/life/etc. and wasn’t online much.

After debating it for a few days, I decided to write back and see how his next response went. Who knows, maybe he was just having a bad day. Or maybe I mistook what he meant to be a funny/sarcastic message as an angry rant. So I said:

I.Suck.I’m so sorry! Shit has been crazy the past couple of weeks so I haven’t been online much and when I was online it was just to check my messages – which I haven’t responded to anyway so I don’t know why I bothered coming online.Anyway…I’m really sorry about that.
Basil huh? I love his name.My deal. Hmm. I’m not sure how to answer that lol. I work in TV, typically train in Krav Maga – although I’ve been out for a month with an injury that I’m trying to get to the bottom of (part of what has been keeping me busy – a million Dr’s appointments). I live in BK – just moved here a year ago and I love it. I used to live in the BX (hated it), and White Plains (hated it more). My family is from Upstate NY so I go there to visit at least once every other month.So what’s your deal? lol.
He responded:
Kool beans no worries 🙂 . Yep Basil is a pretty chill chihuahua ,I’m planing to get a tattoo of him wearing a Mexican Wrestling Mask hahaha.I’ve already drawn it up it looks Bad Ass!! Any way As for work Im an Artist ,mostly of the flesh and I also do some freelance Illustration.Are you part Jehude? Because Krav Maga was developed mainly in Israel.Just wondering ,so you’re originally from Upstate N.Y. I’ve lived in poughkeepsie,Statsburg, and briefly in Hyde Park. Any way you prob won’t read,or respond to this for weeks but it’s koolio :)..Anyhoo hit me back whenever you feel up to it… I’m getting super focused on this Documentary I’m watching on channel 13 about Iranian Americans.Laters
17 minutes later, he responded again…
Dang I said “anyway” three times in a bad for the random pot-head moment.. Rite now I’m living in Nasty old Bedstuy it’s the Pit’s ! I’m originally from the Sheepshead bay area of but I’ve lived all over the Brooklyn and tattooed in borough in NYC and in jersey/Boston blah blah , I’ve slowed down the traveling and convention circuit aspect of the business.I’ve been doing it for so long it seems lol …hey if you’ve seen one Butterfly on a drunken Lady’s butt cheesk ya seen em’ all! My passion is actually not inking ,I’ve been working on a childrens book for the past two years,fleshing out the characters and tying in the diff side stories.I didn’t mean for it to be so elaborate but the more I dove into the concept and working on the drawings when I’m not tattooing ….. Oof it’s alot of work lol
The spelling mistakes are killing me at this point, and I’m not quite sure what Jehude means. I’m guessing he meant Jewish (I’m starting to notice he’s a bit focused on race). I’m also a little bummed he bashed Bedstuy, since that is where I live as well, but I was intrigued by the children’s book comment – mainly because I am very interested in one day writing a children’s book as well, so I kept going.
Oh ok cool. Krav maga is an Israeli martial art but I’m not Israeli. I’m in Bedstuy too. You don’t like it here? I love it! A children’s book huh? I wrote one in college (never published) but I would love to publish one, one day. Very cool!
He responds:
Na it’s pretty wack in bedstuy.No resturants or any decent bars other than the Myrtle ave strip and even that’s contrived.The neighborhood is just black or white… No grey area. It’s either Hipster hell and bad hygiene 0r Ghetto black and dangerous lol. I saved my cheesy but mild mannered neighbor from two houses away when 3 young black kids attacked him like vultures for his skinny bike.needles too say 5swings of the bat an all was peacefully in the valley.I had a busted lip but no worse for ware &steve kept his bike but didn’t jump in to help me , it was a wacky in sheapshead bay Which is basically a large Italian/Russian American neighborhood with some smaller pockets of Asian /Hispanic and middle eastern.each ethnicity had a local resturant and specific ethnic specialty stores. Here in bedstuy it’s kinda shity to say the least.However one plus is I live rite by (*insert name of a liquor store here*) so that’s kinda dope to have a kool local liquor store. What do you like about Dead-stuy ?
I can’t. His constant references to race kill me. His spelling and punctuation SUCK and he’s so angry and negative. I enjoy a good bitch session as much as the next one, but this is too much. He has yet to say one positive thing (except maybe about his dog ).

I showed his messages to a friend over dinner and drinks the other night, and we were poking fun of how angry this guy seems. I jokingly said that I really wanted to say ‘tell me why ya mad son’ after his first comment. She thought that was hilarious and convinced me to send it – although after a few drinks it didn’t take much convincing. My exact words:

oh ok. wow. tell me why ya’ mad, son

I haven’t heard back from him yet.

misery loves company

When it comes to awkward, funny or just plain awful dates, I have stories for days!

But it doesn’t have to be ALL about me.

If you, or someone you know, has a funny / crazy / unbelievably ridiculous date or relationship story to share, please email me at:

Any submissions will be kept anonymous (unless asked not to) – and while I would never change your story, I do reserve the right to edit based on spelling/grammar.

That includes stories from both sexes by the way…and while I’m specifying – all sexual orientations too! I want to hear from everyone!

no (response) means no

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone (who’s tried online dating) at least once. You take the time (or build up the courage) to initiate contact with someone you find interesting, only to have them completely ignore you. You know they’ve read it, and they showed up on the list of people who’ve recently viewed your profile – so the only logical explanation is that, for whatever reason, they just aren’t interested.

And that’s ok. I have no issue with someone ignoring my message if they aren’t interested. I get the hint and move on. No big deal.

Sure, they could respond and say “sorry, not interested,” but in the world of online dating – not responding is a nicer way of saying just that (in my opinion).

No response = no thank you.

What’s NOT ok is when you continue to message that person for days, weeks, or months hoping that they’ll eventually break down and respond. It’s annoying. And a little crazy.

For example:

Sep 22, 2012 – 12:01pm
luv the hair and the smile so how is your weekend?
Oct 13, 2012 – 8:20am
i luv those eyes and smile so can u please bring both of them out when we do dinner;)) how is your weekend luv? name is (xxxxx) and i would really like to get to know u. im not on here much so if u want u can call me.
Nov 5, 2012 – 8:47pm
sista cleo told me that u would be that woman for me…just before she went out of business …lol so i got an extra closet for your shoes ready so u can move in the house in boston;)) hope sandy didnt make u suffer much~get @ me luv…not on here much but if u will use it u can have my cell to call or text. xxx-xxx-xxxx – (name)
Ok crazy.
Of course, the first thing I thought was “Boston?! Are you crazy?! Did you not see the Yankee’s hat in one of my pics?!
Then there is this:
Sep 23, 2012 – 12:21pm
Wow I am so in love with you right now by far ! lol ! I’m Trey will you take my hand love !
Sep 23, 2012 – 8:39pm
You can say Hello to me !!
Sep 23, 2012 – 8:40pm
Well I will say hello to you 1st !
Oct 24, 2012 – 12:21am
How are you doing tonite ?
Nov 3, 2012 – 9:19pm
It’s not a crime to say Hi to me love at least not in NYC ! lol !!!
Nov 10, 2012 – 8:49pm
Call me xxx-xxx-xxxx Tr**
Dec 18, 2012 – 11:50am
Serious when are going to let me take you to dinner!
Finally I had to break down and explain to him that I wasn’t interested. And, yes, I could have done that sooner. But honestly, after the first couple of messages, you’d think it would be pretty obvious.
Sep 30, 2012 – 9:58pm
Hi I read your profile and you seem like my kind of girl I like to get to know you
Sep 30, 2012 – 11:14pm
Hi How are you? 
Oct 10, 2012 – 9:19pm
Hi you beautiful and would like to know you more.
Oct 11, 2012 –11:35pm
Hi How are you. 
Oct 19, 2012 – 3:38pm
hi how are you so whats your name.
Nov 3, 2012 – 10:14pm
Hi how are you.
This also happens to be the guy that is going to get his master’s in ‘being a doctor.’
Then there are the times that I HAVE broken it down…and they still don’t get it
Oct 27, 2012 – 3:50am
Beautiful lady with a pretty smile! I truly like the energy and happiness on your face 😉 How are u?
Nov 3, 2012 – 9:27pm
Hello! How are u? The beauty I see on your profile feels so good. I probably emailed u before but I think I like your profile enough to try again 🙂 Do u mind being in touch?
Nov 5, 2012 – 1:22am
How is the beauty doing?. Over the pass few weeks I came across your profile several times and each time I got the “wow” moment. The reason why I’m here clearly is to make connection with someone I strongly feel I can connect with, like, love, build a relationship . I guess it starts from these simple contact emails. I want to know more about u, hear how ur day is going, share good conversations etc.. I’m still hoping to hear from you… Will it happen? Until then have a wonderful day 🙂
Nov 7, 2012 – 10:46pm
Hello! I like the good feeling coming from your profile. You look amazingly beautiful! It would be awesome to get to know a pretty lady like you. How are u liking it here?
Nov 7, 2012 – 10:54pm
ME: Hi, I’m very sorry but I’m just not interested.
You’d think it would end there, but no. Instead of messaging me, he decides to IM me.
December 26, 2012 – 11:36:06pm: Hello!
December 26, 2012 – 11:38:51pm: How are u?
December 26, 2012 – 11:40:10pm: I’m sorry, I’m really not interested as I’ve said before. Please stop messaging me.
December 26, 2012 – 11:40:37pm: Sorry don’t remember. ok
How do you NOT remember someone telling you they aren’t interested?
Then, as I was showing my friends the incessant messages over a bottle of wine, I accidentally clicked on his profile.
A few minutes later, he sends me a message:
Liking anything about my profile?
Uuugh! Then a few days later:
I keep bumping into ur profile. Good luck or bad luck? 🙂 
And one guy passes on the traditional messaging, and goes right to IMing me. The creepy thing is that he just so happens to IM me within seconds of me signing on.
October 14, 2012
11:49:25pm: (my screen name)
11:49:26pm: supppp
11:49:47pm: how goes it tonight
11:54:23pm: nada?
October 15, 2012
8:14:00pm: hello robo (my screen name)
November 25, 2012
11:30:57pm: (my screen name) how goes it?
December 2, 2012
9:26:14pm: boo
 The fact that he looked like a serial killer didn’t help.
I have since figured out how to turn off the IM option on my account.