Overheard in…Prospect Park

I was sitting on a bench outside Prospect Park and two women walked by. As they passed me, I overheard a piece of their conversation…

“…so he said ‘I have several female friends that I’m sexually active with’ ….and I’m like ‘why the fuck would you say that on a first date?!'”

I’m ashamed to say that I felt a bit of comfort in knowing that there are ladies out there going through it just as bad as me.

boo-boo

I was on my way to the grocery store last weekend, when someone started walking along side of me. At first I didn’t think anything of it because it was a beautiful day and the streets were really crowded. Then I heard:

Excuse me BooBoo, can I talk to you for a minute.

I was shocked that someone was actually using “BooBoo” as a term of endearment and I slowly turned my head to see if it was a joke. The man walking next to me was staring at me, dead serious and from the looks of it, incredibly high.

I smiled and said “no thank you.” His response was

“It’s ’cause I’m black, right?”

Immediately about 5 different responses flooded my head:

What the fuck are you talking about, I’m black myself.

No, it’s because you just called me BooBoo

No, it’s because I’m just not interested.

No, it’s because you look like you’re high as fuck.

No, it’s because you look like you have no job, no education, and hang out at the corner store all day.

Instead I briefly paused, took a deep breath, and kept it moving. As I walked away I hear “yeah, it’s ’cause I’m black.”

Meanwhile, in the Tinderverse, here are some gems that either myself or my friends have come across:

tinder guy 3

tinder guy1

tinder guy2

Keep it classy fellas…..

Tinder update

Here are some of my Tinder exchanges so far….

Guy 1

Him: Hi

Me: Hello

Him: How are you today?

Me: I’m great, how are you?

Him: Can’t complain nice weather out…are you black or white?

Really? The first thing after “how are you” is “are you black or white”??

Next.

Guy 2

Him: your hair is dope

Me: thanks, I was thinking the same thing about yours!

Him: wyd on this rainy day?

Me: homework unfortunately, what about you?

Him: I probably should be doing that…I’m clean and eat and watch TV…where do you live?

Him: Come drink wine with me then let’s cuddle and pass out….that would be perfect too.

Me: Well, I don’t even know you so that would be strange.

Him: I’m guessing we’d learn about each other before passing out.

Me: I’d have to learn about a person before getting in their bed…or couch…or apartment in general.

yeah…next.

Guy 3

Him: Hey how are you?

Me: I’m great, how are you?

Him: I’m good enjoying this cool weather here.

Me: Yeah me too! I love the fall.

one day later…

Him: Hey how are you doing?

Me: Fantastic. You?

5 hours later…

Him: I’m great.

5 days later…

Him: Hey how was your weekend?

At this point I’m kind of over it. So I don’t respond.

one week later…

Him: Hey how are you doing.

I decide to give this conversation one last chance.

Me: I’m doing well. What about you?

Him: I’m good. I sprained my ankle running but I’m good.

Me: oh that sucks, I’m sorry to hear that

Him: It’s ok..what are you up to today?

Me: I’m working right now. I have a few things to take care of after work, then just heading home. What about you?

still nothing…

I’m done. If we can’t even get past “how are you” on Tinder, how are we going to have a conversation over a drink or a meal?

Next.

wtf

A few weekends ago (Labor Day Weekend), I experienced the most bizarre sequence of events…

Friday, “the racist” texted me to ask what I was up to for the holiday. I honestly had no desire to see him again, but I figured I’d give him one more chance. I told him that I didn’t have any plans, and asked him the same question…and he never responded back.

Ok, no big deal.

Then the next day at around 3pm he texts me:

“I’m on my way to Brooklyn for the Guinness festival. I’ll drink plenty of beer in your honor”

Huh?

First of all, I’m not dead. You don’t have to drink in my honor or poor some out for the homies. Second, why would you even bother letting me know you are going to be in my area if you aren’t going to invite me to hang out? Why bother even reaching out?

Considering the fact that I was already pretty over this dude based on his ignorant comments the week before, I didn’t bother responding to his text. I was done.

Later that night, my friend and I decided to head to a bar in Williamsburg for a little change of pace.

It was pretty dead so we decided to leave after a couple of drinks.

We were waiting on the G train platform when this guy walks by and checks my friend out. He was clearly intoxicated, so we paid him no mind. Then he stumbles back and tells my friend, in a very thick Russian accent, how beautiful he thinks she is. Then he call her his Mexican Princess.

She’s Salvadoran.

She tells him she’s not Mexican and he then continues to guess what nationality she is. After about 5 guesses he gives up, then starts to sing a song to her in Spanish.

I’m talking full verses, a chorus and a hook.

The train finally came and we ended up ditching him.

I had to transfer to another train to get home. As I’m waiting on the platform, a man who looked like he might have been homeless approached me. Here was the conversation:

Him: Do you smoke weed?

Me: Nope.

Him: Oh my God, your nose ring is gorgeous!

Me: Thanks.

Him: I think I just fell in love with you.

Me: Ok.

Him: What’s your name?

Me: Amber

Him: Ooh did you ever watch Clueless.

Me: Yep.

Him: I used to love her! (referring to the woman who played “Amber” in the movie)

Me: Oh ok.

Him: No..but really. I mean…I used to (imitates jerking off) looooove her.

Me: Oh. Wow. Ok.

Him: Like…I used to be a squirter for her.

Me: Awesome.

Him: So are you single?

Me: Nope.

Him: Do you have any friends that look like you?

Me: Nope.

Him: Oh..do you drink? Me and You and Your friends should all hang out. And I can be a squirter for your friends.

Me: Nope. I think I’m good. No thanks. Have a nice night though.

Him: OK.

He then walked up to another man on the platform and asked him if HE smoked weed.

Jump to 2:30am

I get another text from the racist: “you been drinking watermelon?!”

For those of you who don’t know, these are lyrics to a very popular Beyoncé song. The theory is that when she says “I’ve been drinking…watermelon…” she’s talking about swallowing.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I tried to word it in classier terms, but really…how can you make swallowing sound classy?

Of course i was immediately offended, and responded “Excuse me?!”

And again…no response.

Then I figured, you know what? He’s probably drunk and maybe…just maybe…he didn’t mean it that way. There are still a lot of people who don’t even know what that lyric is supposed to mean.

Then the next afternoon he responds to my “excuse me” text:

Him: They’re the lyrics to a Beyoncé song.

Me: Yeah, I know they are. Do you know what they mean??

Him: My friends told me an interpretation which I found amusing.

Me: (back to being offended because he knew exactly what he was implying with that line) Probably not something you want to text a woman. EVER.

Him: Let me guess, you didn’t like that.

Me: Not at all.

Him: Lol. ok.

??

LOL, OK? I can’t with this guy. Not only did he say that he doesn’t trust white people (strike 1) then basically tells me he’s going to be in my area but doesn’t want to hang out (strike 2), he now just asked me if I’d been swallowing that weekend (strike 3).

I’M SO DONE.

So of course, I don’t respond to him.

Then….

Him: Do something fun yesterday?

Me: ::Crickets::

Him: Well, I guess you’re upset. Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend. I’m sure I’ll see you at (insert the bar where we met) next summer! ;)

Me: ::still Crickets::

 

 

 

Dick Pics

I found this Gem on Huffington Post today, and it’s definitely worth 3:46 minutes of your time. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when a man asks me to ‘send them a pic,’ especially when I just met them. I don’t send pictures of myself via text,or over internet in general, and this is why.

Just as bad as being asked for pictures…is getting unsolicited photos sent to me. Luckily, I’ve never gotten and ‘dick pics’ sent to me, just random Selfies (side note: Selfies are very rarely a good look for a man. Like almost never), but I think I’m in the minority. Most women I know have received at least one dick pic, and I can’t help but wonder what the hell is going through these men’s minds when they send it.

Do they think we find it sexy? (in all fairness – I’m sure some women do)

Do they think that if they send us theirs, we’ll send them ours? (doubtful, but I guess it’s worth a shot)

Do they think that their dick is so beautiful and magnificent that it needs to be shared with the world, one stranger at a time? (it’s probably not)

While I can’t get into a man’s mind to find out what they are thinking as they snap, attach, and send these dick pics – this video is pretty spot on in covering all the things that go through a woman’s mind when she receives them. 

You can find the full Huffington Post article here.

 

I love white people

I had my first date with the guy I met the other, and it was pretty uneventful.

He’s a nice guy, but some thing just seemed kind of…off.

First, he definitely didn’t seem like a 37 year old man. He came across very immature and it was very hard for him to be serious. And his way of flirting was similar to that of a 12 year old boy, except instead of pulling my hair he was poking fun of me or starting little arguments.

Lame.

The one thing that stuck out the most about the night was when he told me that he doesn’t trust White people. Considering the fact that I’m half White (a fact that he knew) and that all my family gatherings are filled with a lot of amazing, hilarious, loving, welcoming, trustworthy (white) people, I felt a little uncomfortable with the statement.

Ok VERY uncomfortable with the statement.

I don’t know what his past experiences have been like to have him feel that way, and he has the right to his opinions and feelings… but that’s definitely not a comment you should make on a first date…

I’m not one to keep my mouth shut, so we had a discussion about it. Lets just say it didn’t go so well, and I decided that it would be best if we just changed the subject.

The night continued as it had started…him being slightly awkward, starting little arguments, etc etc, until I finally grew tired of it. Literally. I was actually yawning.

So he walked me to the train, gave me a hug goodbye, and we said we’d be in touch.

To be honest, I’d be totally fine if I never saw him again.

[Don’t] Google It

I met a Man this weekend who seems really nice and, dare I say…normal. He’s 37, he has a job, and he doesn’t have any children.

Naturally, I’m skeptical. And I had the thought (numerous thoughts, numerous times over the past few days, actually) to Google him. But so far, I haven’t, and here’s why.

I think that Googling a person can ruin things before they even start.

There are usually two reasons why you Google someone.

  1. You’re digging for some dirt.
  2. You’re just being nosy and taking advantage of the information that is readily at your fingertips.

Both are totally understandable, and I have Googled people for either one or both of those reasons before. But I don’t think it’s a good habit to get into, and it’s one that I’m trying to break.

First, if you’re digging for some dirt, you’re already distrusting them. Unless the person has done something shady to give you a reason to question them (like this, or this), you have no reason to search for dirt. Especially if you haven’t even been on a real date with the person yet. If you are that distrusting of them before you’ve even dated them, you probably shouldn’t have given them your number in the first place. 

If you’re just being nosey and seeing what information you can find, you’re taking away from the fun of the date. Isn’t that the point of going out with someone? To get to know them? If you find out all or most of the information on your own, you then have to sit through an evening of information you already know but have to pretend NOT to know so you don’t look like a stalker.

I think it can be more work than it’s worth.