A few weekends ago (Labor Day Weekend), I experienced the most bizarre sequence of events…
Friday, “the racist” texted me to ask what I was up to for the holiday. I honestly had no desire to see him again, but I figured I’d give him one more chance. I told him that I didn’t have any plans, and asked him the same question…and he never responded back.
Ok, no big deal.
Then the next day at around 3pm he texts me:
“I’m on my way to Brooklyn for the Guinness festival. I’ll drink plenty of beer in your honor”
First of all, I’m not dead. You don’t have to drink in my honor or poor some out for the homies. Second, why would you even bother letting me know you are going to be in my area if you aren’t going to invite me to hang out? Why bother even reaching out?
Considering the fact that I was already pretty over this dude based on his ignorant comments the week before, I didn’t bother responding to his text. I was done.
Later that night, my friend and I decided to head to a bar in Williamsburg for a little change of pace.
It was pretty dead so we decided to leave after a couple of drinks.
We were waiting on the G train platform when this guy walks by and checks my friend out. He was clearly intoxicated, so we paid him no mind. Then he stumbles back and tells my friend, in a very thick Russian accent, how beautiful he thinks she is. Then he call her his Mexican Princess.
She tells him she’s not Mexican and he then continues to guess what nationality she is. After about 5 guesses he gives up, then starts to sing a song to her in Spanish.
I’m talking full verses, a chorus and a hook.
The train finally came and we ended up ditching him.
I had to transfer to another train to get home. As I’m waiting on the platform, a man who looked like he might have been homeless approached me. Here was the conversation:
Him: Do you smoke weed?
Him: Oh my God, your nose ring is gorgeous!
Him: I think I just fell in love with you.
Him: What’s your name?
Him: Ooh did you ever watch Clueless.
Him: I used to love her! (referring to the woman who played “Amber” in the movie)
Me: Oh ok.
Him: No..but really. I mean…I used to (imitates jerking off) looooove her.
Me: Oh. Wow. Ok.
Him: Like…I used to be a squirter for her.
Him: So are you single?
Him: Do you have any friends that look like you?
Him: Oh..do you drink? Me and You and Your friends should all hang out. And I can be a squirter for your friends.
Me: Nope. I think I’m good. No thanks. Have a nice night though.
He then walked up to another man on the platform and asked him if HE smoked weed.
Jump to 2:30am
I get another text from the racist: “you been drinking watermelon?!”
For those of you who don’t know, these are lyrics to a very popular Beyoncé song. The theory is that when she says “I’ve been drinking…watermelon…” she’s talking about swallowing.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I tried to word it in classier terms, but really…how can you make swallowing sound classy?
Of course i was immediately offended, and responded “Excuse me?!”
And again…no response.
Then I figured, you know what? He’s probably drunk and maybe…just maybe…he didn’t mean it that way. There are still a lot of people who don’t even know what that lyric is supposed to mean.
Then the next afternoon he responds to my “excuse me” text:
Him: They’re the lyrics to a Beyoncé song.
Me: Yeah, I know they are. Do you know what they mean??
Him: My friends told me an interpretation which I found amusing.
Me: (back to being offended because he knew exactly what he was implying with that line) Probably not something you want to text a woman. EVER.
Him: Let me guess, you didn’t like that.
Me: Not at all.
Him: Lol. ok.
LOL, OK? I can’t with this guy. Not only did he say that he doesn’t trust white people (strike 1) then basically tells me he’s going to be in my area but doesn’t want to hang out (strike 2), he now just asked me if I’d been swallowing that weekend (strike 3).
I’M SO DONE.
So of course, I don’t respond to him.
Him: Do something fun yesterday?
Him: Well, I guess you’re upset. Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend. I’m sure I’ll see you at (insert the bar where we met) next summer! ;)
Me: ::still Crickets::