9 and 10

Ok, I’m behind on posting about my recent dates…so I’m going to put 9 and 10 into one post because I’d like to get past this guy as quickly as possible.

Read on…you’ll see why

9

The day after date 8, ‘the singer’ texted me to ask how my day was going. I told him I was crazy busy at work, and he offered to bring me sushi.

I was confused…I told him that I wouldn’t be able to actually eat lunch with him because I was too busy to leave. And he said “it’s ok, I’ll eat mine before I come, and just drop yours off to you.”

What?? How sweet is that?! And he actually did it. He came all the way downtown, brought me lunch, gave me a hug and left. Seriously, the nicest thing someone has done for me.

That night we had plans to hang out for a little while. So we met up and watched a movie at my place. When he got there he had some Caribbean food in hand for me. Again – super sweet!

The next day I heard from him via text and he wanted to hang out again. I told him I couldn’t because I had my first grad school class that night and wouldn’t be home until 11pm or later. So he asked if we could hang out the next night. Again, I told him that I don’t think it would be a good idea because I had homework to get done. I explained to him that I really liked hanging out with him, but my schedule is a little crazy right now because I had just started my Master’s Program and I’m still adjusting to the new workload. He said he understood and that we’d plan something for that weekend.

Then Wednesday he text me during the day to check in and I told him how much work my classes are and that I would be heading right home from work to get caught up on homework for the rest of the night.

Then he calls me that night and wants to talk for an hour. Again, I had to explain to him that, while I would love to talk to him for hours I really needed to focus on my work. Between my job and my classes, I was incredibly stressed out and needed to get everything under control.

Then he asked to hang out Thursday night.

Sigh.

I told him that I actually had my Krav Maga class on Thursday nights and since I can only go once a week I really couldn’t cancel it. I told him I got out at 930 and then was heading right home.

At 9:45 he called me.

I explained to him, again, about my workload. But I told him that we could meet up Friday after work for a quick bite to eat.

That was date 10

It went very well. He was very sweet, a gentlemen…all that. We had dinner and grabbed another drink afterwards at a nearby bar. Then he walked me to the subway and I headed home at a reasonable hour so I could get up the next morning to do work.

I was supposed to see him that Sunday to watch the Superbowl, but I ended up canceling because…yeah..the homework thing. He was very understanding about it, which was a relief.

Then Monday happened. We were texting a little throughout the day, and he said to call him when I got home and settled, because he had something he wanted to talk to me about.

Oh boy.

I told him to just tell me now, I’m not a fan of that dramatic, ‘we need to talk’ nonsense, especially at this stage in the game. But he assured me it was actually good news so I let it go.

I called him when I got home and he basically asked me to co-sign a 150,000 loan for him.

Yeah…you definitely read that right, but go ahead and re-read that line anyway.

Apparently, his ‘financial consulting’ business helps get people large loans. The way he explained it was that I would sign on as the PG (personal guarantor) for a loan, and after 7 days when the loan went through, my name would be taken off the loan and he would be solely responsible for it.

And he’d give me 15,000 for my troubles.

To say I was in shock is an understatement. I had known this man for 1 week and a day. And he’s asking me to be a PG on a loan?? For 150,000 dollars?

Kanye-West-Blank-stare

111267

When I told him that 1. I don’t mix business (or more accurately MONEY) with pleasure, and 2.  I was really uncomfortable with the fact that he even asked me to do something like that…he just kept going..trying to sell me on the idea. He said:

“Just think about it and let me know. And whatever you decide won’t affect what we have. I just thought this is something we could both benefit from, but if you don’t want to do it, it’s cool”

Yeah…but no…it’s not ‘cool.’ There are so many reasons things are no longer ‘cool’ with us. I’ve known you for A WEEK and you’re trying to get me involved in some SUPER SHADY sounding nonsense?!

He told me that he could put me in touch with ‘his business partner’ and he would explain everything to me in better detail.

GagaStop

I’m done.  There will be no more dates with ‘the singer’ ‘the scammer’.

Ocho

I woke up the day after my 3 hour phone date giddy and sleep deprived. I had errands and homework to get done before meeting up with ‘the singer’ (that’s what we’ll call him for now), so I had to get moving. I multitasked like never before, and I was able to get everything done, pick out an outfit, and make it to our meet up spot 5 minutes early.

If you know me, you know this is no easy feat. 

Unfortunately, he was late. But he did text me to let me know. And since I’m usually the one who is late, I couldn’t complain. I walked around the nearby Gap so I didn’t freeze outside and waiting for him to show up. After getting a text that he was 5 minutes away, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was so nervous! I was mindlessly browsing through a clothing rack when I looked up and saw him looking at me from across the store also walking behind a clothing rack. It really was a movie moment. 

We walked to the restaurant together and after dinner we went to a bar in Union Square. The conversation flowed from the moment we said hello until the end of the night. The only thing that bothered me a bit was that he was on his phone a little bit too much for my liking. He apologized and said that since he owned his own business, he was always working and just had to respond to a couple of client emails quickly. Other than that he was a total gentlemen, he paid for everything, he held doors for me, we had great conversation, attraction…it was probably one of the best dates I’d had in a long time.

#7…for real this time

Over the past week and a half, I have gone on dates 7- 10. I also started my Master’s Program during that time, which is why I haven’t had time to sleep, let alone update my blog. My apologies….let me get you up to speed!

Date 7 wasn’t your typical date. It was actually a phone conversation…that lasted 3 hours.

No that wasn’t a typo.

3 hours….on the phone…with a guy….

I can’t remember the last time I was on the phone for 3 hours with someone! And not one moment was dull. No awkward silences, long pauses, or weird transitions into another topic. Just an easy conversation with someone I’d just met, that flowed as if we’d known each other for years.

Among other things, I found out that:

He’s 33

He’s not a fan of ‘dating’…he’s more of a relationship guy.

He’s on the same page as me when it comes to religion (it’s just not for him).

He’s a singer/songwriter who is signed to a label and has a few albums out and is trying to make a bigger name for himself (kind of a red flag in my opinion, but I’ll let that slide for now)

He owns his own financial consulting business

I’m not going to list everything we talked about…it was 3 hours after all. But we did make plans to meet up the next evening for dinner / drinks…

Dear OK Cupid….you suck.

I’m seriously considering deleting my OK Cupid account, once again. The guys on there are complete LAMES! They are either too young, too old…or WAY too creepy.

I have been messaging a bit with a guy over the past few days that I thought was kind of cute. He was a little on the young side for me (25) but he was pretty funny so I figured, what the hell.

The way he spoke came across very young…kind of ‘surfer boy’ ish. But again, I ignored it. I figured, at the very least, maybe we’d end up going on a fun date.

He noticed that my profile mentioned I was a producer and asked what I produced. When I told him what network I worked for and asked him what he does for a living, his response was:

Swaggggg. I love (insert network I work for here).

Then he went on to say that he was an accountant and is now studying for the CPA exam to get certified, which is ‘hella’ stressful. And that he mostly spends his time studying and (these are his exact words) “an occasional waiter shift to earn some weed money”

I can’t.

If this is any indication of what my dating life will be like in 2014…I’m going to be 40 before I get to my 30 date.

#7…nope, nevermind

I decided to sign back up for OKCupid. I figured, at the very least, I’d get some funny message stories to share. And if I happened to get a few more dates out of it, then that’s cool too.

After a few days, I met a guy on there that I was somewhat interested in. We messaged back and forth for a couple of days and he seemed like a cool guy. We exchanged numbers and texted back and forth for a little while before he suggested we meet up for a drink. He asked to meet up for drinks after work that Friday, but I already had plans, so we settled on Sunday instead. We lived in different areas of Brooklyn, but still fairly close to each other so we decided to find a place to meet in the middle.

Then I texted him the next day, and no response.

And I haven’t heard from him since.

Yep…seriously.

I don’t get it. A (kind of) similar situation happened to my friend this weekend as well. She had a date planned with a guy on Sunday as well – a second chance date at that, considering on their first try at meeting up he had to cancel at the last-minute to pick a friend up from the hospital. They had a day and time set, just not the place yet. Ok, no big deal…except that he didn’t even reach out to her about the date until 20 minutes before they were supposed to meet. And she had reached out to him earlier that day with no response.

Seriously, though…what the f*@% is wrong with guys these days? Is it too much to ask to have someone make a plan and stick to it?

Lingo, Language, Linguistics

I just read a really good article in the NY Times called The End of Courtship?

The article begins with a story of a woman, Shani Silver, who was asked out on a ‘date’ with a man she met online. When said date night rolled around, she didn’t hear from the guy until 10:30 via a text message that read “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever? Here with a bunch of friends from college.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, because a similar situation just happened to a close friend of mine. She met a man via Tinder, and he asked her if she wanted to ‘hang out’ that weekend. When she finally heard from him regarding their hang out, he invited her out later that night with a group of his friends.

The suggestion blew both of our minds. I understand the whole idea of meeting in a public place when you first meet someone. Specially someone you meet online. But to ask a woman to come meet you and a group of your friends at a bar for your first date is a little strange. Or maybe it was that he wanted to meet her first before taking her out on a date? If that was the case…A. Be clear. Don’t make it seem like you want to go out on a date and then ask her to hang out with you and your friends. And B. why would you think it’s a good idea to hang out with a woman you’ve never met at a bar with all of your friends? How much are you going to get to know someone with all your friends there.  Talk about awkward.

While I’ve never been asked to hang out with a guy and a bunch of his buddies for our first hang out, I did go on a date with a guy recently, only to be informed a quarter of the way through that it wasn’t actually a date that we were on. We were, apparently, just ‘hanging out.’

Another time I was catching up with a guy friend of mine who asked if I was dating anyone.

Sure, I’ve been dating  a few people.

A few people?

Well yeah. You know…going on dates. I’m not seeing any one person or going on numerous dates with any one person right now, but I’m dating.

So you’ve been meeting people.

Yeah, sure. Meeting people…dating people…same thing.

Well meeting people sounds less slutty.

?????

I never said I was sleeping with them, I said dating. As in going on dates.

The terminology is so confusing!

Dating can mean anything from actively going on dates with various people, to going on numerous dates with one person, to consistently hanging out with one person.

Hanging out can mean anything from dating to hooking up. And hooking up can mean anything from kissing to sex (and everything in between).

It’s a completely different language. Unfortunately, there’s no Rosetta Stone for the current dating culture. Not even a Dating Dictionary for Dummies. So if you’re single in your 20′s or 30′s (or any age, really) you’re forced to constantly decode messages and conversations – often times without the help of voice inflection and tone because 90% of the time, ‘conversations’ are all done via text message.

Why are you single

I was reading Huffington Post today and came across this gem

This woman is so spot on!

I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I have had discussions about how incredibly annoying it is when people ask us “why are you still single” – or any variation of that question.

You’re so funny/pretty/smart/successful/etc…I don’t understand how you are still single. 

And it’s usually said with such sympathy. As if being single is like having some terrible disease that we just don’t deserve to be plagued with.

It’s equally as annoying when a guy who’s trying to hit on you says it.

I know you must have a man or a husband, because you are too fine to be single

Or even better (and yes this has been said)…

You’re pretty, smart, you have a job, and you don’t have any kids…but you’re single. What’s wrong with you?

Are.You.Kidding.Me

First of all, and I know I’ve said this before in a previous post, but it’s worth repeating.

NOTHING is wrong with me.

Second, I’m assuming that you are single as well if you’re trying to spit game to me. So are you saying that you AREN’T single? Or is it that you aren’t as good looking/successful/smart as you think I am, therefore it’s no shocker that you’re single?

Either way, no thank you.
My best friend and I decided that we were going to start responding to that question by saying:

You know, I’m not sure what the problem is. It’s so crazy. All of my dates go really well until I take the guy home and show him how I’ve decorated my future baby’s room. 

Or

Everything goes really well until I take him home and show him the wedding dress I’ve already purchased for our future wedding.

I tried it the last line with one guy and he almost shit himself. I’ve never seen a man want to run away from me so badly in my life.

It was amazing.

So let this be a warning…the next time someone tells me I’m too (fill in the blank) to be single

#6

Date #6 was with the same guy from #3 (met up after work, paid for my cab ride home, super sweet) and #4 (helped him pick out a costume, incredibly clingy, tried to make out on the street).

To be honest, I wasn’t so sure I was interested anymore after the second date. He was kind of annoying, and we just didn’t click. But he seemed like a really nice guy, so I figured I’d give it one more try. At the very least, I thought maybe we could have a ‘beneficial friendship’ type arrangement.

Hey, don’t judge.  A girl’s got needs too, you know.

So I invited him over to watch a movie and order some take out…

I’m pretty confident that that was the last night I’ll ever see him.

It’s just not going to work. I tried, I really did. But you really shouldn’t have to try so hard within the first few dates. That is supposed to be the start of the honey moon stage of a relationship. Where you think everything they say is cute and funny. And you think their quirks are adorable, not something you try to look past. That should come way later in the relationship.

So I threw in the towel. There’s just no emotional connection at all. And physically there’s nothing there (in more ways than one).

Oh well…6 down, 24 more to go…

#5

I met date #5 on you guessed it…Tinder.

It was hard to get a great idea of what he looked like, because he only had one picture of his full face. The rest were action shots that only showed part of his face….him playing pool or laughing on the floor, etc etc.

Usually, I turn those profiles down immediately. But I think the pressure to go on 30 dates with only 27 more weeks left had me a little less ‘picky.’

We talked a little bit before agreeing to meet up after work one night. Again – I typically like to message back and forth a little longer before I meet up with someone. Mainly because if I can’t hold a conversation with you via messages, there’s no way we’d have a good conversation in person.

But again – I went against my norm…

Bad idea.

Besides the fact that he looked NOTHING like his picture…there was nothing really ‘wrong’ with this guy. He wasn’t crazy, or mean, or obnoxious. He didn’t call me fat or try to lift me…

He was just….boring. Incredibly, painfully, boring.

And when he spoke, he reminded me of Dave Chappelle when he plays a white guy. Here is an example in case you’ve never seen it. Skip to around :20 in…

I lasted a little over an hour before I had to get out of there. I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual because I haven’t heard from him since, and that was over a week ago.

From now on I’m sticking with my original “rules”….if the guy only has ONE clear picture – decline. And do not agree to meet up and potentially waste your time until you’ve had a decent back and forth with him.

Lesson learned.

#4

I met up with the guy from date #3 the day after our first date, so I could help him put together an amazing Sho’Nuff costume for Halloween. I’m going to consider this my date #4.

We met up at a shopping center near me, and spent hours looking for pieces to make up the costume, and then afterwards I we spent another hour or so cutting, glueing, and putting the costume together.

The day went relatively well – no glaring warning signs or absurd comments that usually go on with my dates. But there are a couple of things that I noticed and will be keeping an eye on:

1. He’s very very touchy. Like always wanting to hold my hand, and hug on me, and kiss me while we’re waiting to cross the street. I’m not a big fan of that. Especially since I had JUST met him the night before…

Too soon

2. He seems like a bit of a partier. In fact, the party we were getting the costume together for was a day party, that would go all night. Honestly, I can’t hang like that anymore…but to each his own. The only thing that really bothered me about the partying aspect was when he used the phrase “turnt up” when referring to the party. (yes turnT, not turned). For those of you who don’t know what the phrase means, here are a few definitions from the urban dictionary:

The act of going crazy at a party;Wanting go to a party for an awesome time!
Lily:That part was so sick last night! 
Julia:Yeah we were so turnt up! Lol
to get drunk or to get excited about something.
let’s go get a bottle and get turn’t up tonight…
drunk, wasted or otherwise impaired
I never go to Denny’s past 2am unless I am turnt up
You get the picture.
Anyway, I hate that phrase. But I wasn’t sure if he was using the phrase, himself, OR if that was the name of the party. So I asked for clarification and he said “You don’t know what turnt up means? You’ve never heard of that phrase before?
Oh, no, I know what it means. I’m just trying to figure out if that’s the name of the party or if you’re actually using that phrase in a conversation right now.
He laughed and said “No, it’s not the name of the party, that’s just what happens at the bar where the party is being thrown.”
Ooh I see….I don’t turn up.
He laughed and said “oh no, you don’t turn up?”
“Nope. I turn way down”
We both laughed a little and moved on.
Again, no major red flags. But I can’t say that I was sad when our day was over. We’ll see what happens.
OH…and his costume came out amazing by the way.